Here’s the deal, vaginas are like snowflakes, each one is different. No matter what porno films will have you believe, chicks aren’t built the same and a lot of them don’t cum after four licks. It takes patience my friends, and plenty of it. Here are some tips that will make you a cunnilingus expert.

1. You cannot go down on a dry pussy. It’s akin to a piece of bread and the recipient of your tongue will not find it comfortable. Use your fingers to stimulate the area first. If not you’re going to exhaust all your energy trying to get her wet with your tongue. You don’t want to be down to the two minute warning and realize you’ll need to make a play really quickly.

2. Don’t pull the blankets over your head. Covert operations are for assassination plots on The West Wing. Are you trying to kill Qumari Defense Minister Abdul Sharif or eat some pussy? It gets hot under blankets, stay above the covers when you do some XXX licking.

3. I used to dive right in to the licking but I was told that girls like it when you tease them a little first. Start by tonguing everything but her clit. She’ll lose her mind like Spike Lee at a Knicks game and be begging for you get to the good stuff.

4. You’re about to make your XXX move onto the clit but first you have to isolate the playing field. If it’s level, i.e., there’s no hair then you’re good to go. If her bush looks like Questlove’s afro then you’re going to have to do some digging. Just make sure before you move your tongue into position that you’re not going to choke like Lebron in the 4th quarter on a natty mess of pubic hair.

5. Make the clit your bitch by showing that sucker who’s boss. Pretend the pussy is the other team’s offense and you’re trying to sack the fuck out of their quarterback. It’s a very sensitive area but you can put it in your mouth, flick it around with your tongue. If you get a penalty flag for roughing the passer, so be it.

6. There’s three seconds left and the other team is about to kick a field goal to tie up the game and send it into overtime. Call a time out and ice the kicker. When you notice that your lady is about to cum, remove your mouth from her pussy area and take a quick breather. She will go buck and try and push your head back into her end zone.

7. When you’re done get your team off the field pronto. The clit is very sensitive and needs time to recover after a serious tongue lashing. I also don’t recommend coming up for air and wiping your mouth like you’ve just had a spritz of Gatorade shot into it by a trainer and it’s dripping down your face. Be more gentle about the mouth wiping, some girls can take that the wrong way. Unless you’re going down on a porno star like Melanie Rios then you should probably film it and make a big production of wiping your mouth. And also please send me that XXX porno video. Great. Thanks.

It is always good to check with a new lover to see if he or she likes being awakened with sex. For some, it is the best thing in the world. For others, not so much. Sleep in and of itself is a valuable commodity. Guys who do like a sexual sensation first thing in the morning almost always will appreciate the feeling of a nice pair of lips and a warm, wet mouth wrapping around their nice, stiffening dick. A guy may enjoy lying back and enjoying a soft, slow blowjob, or he may start to get into it and want to blow a load fast. Hey may buck his hips for a good mouth-fucking or want to enter for a good morning fuck.

Women certainly appreciate talented lips and tongues as well, and would often be just as happy to be awakened by some fine cunnilingus in progress. Some women may want to warm up to that point a bit by having the partner start off slowly with some sweet caresses and kisses until she is more roused, and aroused. This is not the case with all women. Some are just as ready to have someone dive right in.

Use of a vibrator is a great way to wake up a sleepy, likely ready-to-go partner. When being awakened, many people aren’t ready to take a super active role in sex, so a sex toy is the perfect solution. A regular cylinder shaped vibe or a specifically designed clit vibe can be great for a sleepy woman. Her partner need only spread her legs a little bit, apply to her clit, and let her writhe in pleasure. For the guys, having a Fleshlight or similar toy pussy style vibe is just the thing to make him happy. Just lube it up, get his dick nice and hard, slip it on and vibrate him until he shoots his morning load.