Posts Tagged ‘BDSM’

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Don’t Just Have Sex

Saturday, July 9th, 2011

Sometimes couples can fall into a rut, when it comes to rutting. That is, human sexuality is a wide and diverse field with all kinds of fun, pleasurable activities. One merely has to look at the wide diversity of Porn to realize that humans fuck in a wide variety of different ways, and not all of them are going to involve the same things.

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The human male seems wired to enjoy thrusting. Our cocks get hard and we just want to slip somewhere slick and wet and thrust and grind until we have an Orgasm. Sadly, these are often not the best ways to give similar climaxes to women. Penetrative sex also poses a much higher risk of sexually transmitted disease transmission, as well as of course the risk of pregnancy in some cases.

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A couple who have just met on a Free sex dating site may not be ready to jump right into fucking. But mutual masturbation can be a wonderful pursuit. This can be done remotely as phone sex or even the modern delight, web cam sex, but it can also be pleasurably done in person. Two can masturbate together at the same time, legs intertwined and enjoying the muscle spasms that each person is experiencing as pleasure increases on the way to cumming. You can also take turns, enjoying the pleasures of manual touch, each touching the other’s genitals or stroking and teasing other parts of one’s lovers body while he or she wanks and fucks themselves.

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People who practice kinky sex or BDSM have a lot of experience in doing activities which are erotic but do not essentially involve penetration. Of course, spanking can be an extremely arousing experience for many people, but does not involve any exchange of sexual fluids unless it is done during doggy style sex!

So try and branch out a little bit. Don’t let sex turn boring or stale. Do one’s best to enjoy other kinds of fucking other than just fucking!

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Learning New Skills

Friday, July 8th, 2011

People who are into BDSM are usually very interested in learning new skills and getting new ideas. They also usually love to show off their own skills and share ideas, whether their talking to newbies or experienced kinky people. Watching other people’s scenes in a dungeon is a great way to get some new ideas or learn some new things. It’s perfectly fine to watch other people’s scenes. Most people play in public because they enjoy having people watch their scenes and they want people to look.

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It’s even okay to talk to the players after the scene is completely finished, and ask questions or ask for some guidance on how to do something that they did. As long as the person asking doesn’t interrupt the scene, most people are more than willing to talk. Even after the scene appears to be over, the Dom and sub might be engaging in aftercare, and that is not an appropriate time to try to talk to either of them. A good rule of thumb is to wait until the people in the scene start mingling with other people again. At that point it’s fine to go up and talk to them and ask some questions. Be sincere and don’t approach a Dom with a sense of entitlement, like he’s somehow obligated to provide whatever information is being sought. Being polite and sincere will go a long way. Another great way to learn some new things is to search online for dungeons, fetish conventions or BDSM events.

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A lot of dungeons and events will occasionally offer classes in various BDSM activities, and the conventions always have classes all day ever day of the conventions. Conventions are largely seen as educational and community building events, so there are always plenty of opportunities to learn a new skill or improve an existing one. Taking classes at a convention is a good idea because after the class people can usually go right into the dungeon area to try out their new skills, and there are often other people in the dungeon who would be happy to help out. Some munches will even have demonstrations or classes, depending on where they are held. If they are in a private room, they may offer something at least once in a while, so don’t rule out a munch as a possible place to learn.

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Unusual and Freakish

Sunday, July 3rd, 2011

Most of adult videos use a very specific format. But hardcore porn viewers need more than busty blondes getting fucked hard and furious by some hot hard stud. They want something more freaky. Build it and they will cum even works in the adult business.

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There are small number of Porn content providers and movie makers that shoot the unusual or freakish. Niches can cover anything from inordinately large cock in it’s length or girth slowly penetrating some tight pussy. It looks on screen as painful as it sounds. For a few years midgets were hot and porn sites would do all they could to get their hands on photos and movies of little people being fucked or fucking. Now the thing is tranny sites and movies. Beautiful lady boys being found out and fucked anyway by seemingly het guys is all the rage. And the buying public is eating it up. But it doesn’t have to be all about surprises, sometimes the something strange or weird is thrown in the mix to boost sales. Like alien looking sex toys. Sex toys have always been popular in solo girl scenes and lesbian movies but requests for sex toys that look like tentacles, or monster cocks or just happen to be massively long or large being used to fuck two women at the same time is becoming more popular.

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Most of the stuff that is viewed is the run of the mill sex stuff with a twist. Even the boutique movie makers are not eager to follow the extreme sex practices where sexual abuse is more like a horror movie then pleasure. But by adding a little spice, a little twist then the audience will buy more. Adult movie makers are always on the look out for the next big fantasy. Asian porn and the BDSM lifestyles have both been great inspirations to content producers. What we may see is more Biblical porn, after al the bible is full of hardcore sex and violence.

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Ass Tasks

Wednesday, June 8th, 2011

An obedient male submissive will do whatever his Mistress or Master asks of him. He may protest at times, but everyone knows that he really does want to please her. One of those things known to make some guys uncomfortable – especially the straight ones  is to make them take it up the butt. Most guys love it even though they think they aren’t supposed to. Either way, it will be his with to please his Dominant.

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If you plan to do some bondage in combination with ass play, getting a good rope work manual from a BDSM boutique can be a big help if you are new to that aspect of the scene. Having him tied down well can be helpful when beginning to get into giving him ass tasks. Just find a good position like doggie style or on his back with his legs tied up toward his ears so that his rosebud is exposed and he can take what you give him.

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If you are a kind Dominant, you will start off with small items, like a reasonably sized butt plug. He doesn’t necessarily need to feel himself being filled up that much at first. Just the thought of being tied up and having someone stick something in his ass might be enough of a mind fuck. You can even psyche him out and make him think it is going to be something huge. This kind of psychological game will put him in sub space, which is a state of mind you may both want him to achieve.

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Then, paying attention to basic safety and being conscious of not causing actual damage, it is time to go for it. How much can he take from his Ass Master or Mistress of his Booty? Will he take progressively larger plugs? If you introduce a set of anal beads, how many will he take in? If he is a good sub, he might even be able to relax enough to take the pounding of a cock or a strap-on giving it to him for all it’s worth. It can be fun to allow the sub to have his hands and feet free so you can enjoy watching him fuck his own ass as you desire.

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On Our Whims

Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

While many sex-perts would love to be able to define every one of our reactions, fetishes and moves by our abuses or true motivations, for the most part our sexual mind is made up from some very deep desires and passing needs even we can’t truly decipher. As many people with a brittle self esteem and faulty early sex life clutch to the varieties present in the power struggle of BDSM sex, as they do regular vanilla fucking. Many lesbian women have had hetero relationships that led them to decades of marriage and for every guy out there looking for a homosexual romance, just as many are hetero; and there are no reasons for any of this behavior.

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What has come before has made us what we are, but it is more important who we are presently and how we engage our lover and they us. If our sex life brings us pleasure and the person we sleep with is as satiated, we can’t really hold on to the past, abuse or not.

It’s too easy to follow a straight line from a supposed slight or even some terrible tragedy to our actions presently, but the human mind doesn’t work so easily in cause and effect. Simply because someone engages in sex that maybe is seeming harmful doesn’t mean they have been harmed in the past, just as much as a woman courting a rape fantasy doesn’t have to working out a past abuse every time she has sex;then again, maybe she is.

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We simply can’t make those assumptions about our partners, even if they offer explanations; who really knows their own mind all that well to explain every single one of their sexual desires?

Our preferences or prejudices, our passing needs or our long-term fetishes all that we are sexually is a conundrum we will not soon fathom, nor will our friends, family or lovers ever truly need to understand if all actions are consensual and fuel the romance morethan slow it down.

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From day to day all we can do is follow our whims, hope they might match someone we find in real life or even across some on-line dating site and that we can all find peace in whatever piece we need.

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Male Chastity Play

Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

Male chastity devices are very popular among people in the BDSM scene, especially female dominants who enjoy humiliation play and cock and ball torture (or CBT). While the chastity devices don’t really provide a lot of immediate pain under normal circumstances the way CBT does, they can provide plenty of discomfort over time as men experience partial erections and sexual arousal while wearing them. They also are great for humiliation play and providing a submissive male with a really good mind fuck as they devices are usually designed for longer term wear, usually several weeks at a time.

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They are designed to allow men to urinate and wash without removing them. Most often they are locked and the dominant has control of the key. While a male chastity device is effective in preventing men from masturbating and having sex, most dominant females would agree that a good submissive shouldn’t require such measures and should willingly abide by the orders of his Domme when it comes to masturbation, sex and orgasms. They can be very useful items for training purposes with an inexperienced submissive though, and they are wonderful for use as a means of prolonged play because they will constantly remind the submissive that he is owned and that even his most natural and uncontrollable urges can be controlled by the woman who owns him.

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Some male submissives enjoy being denied the ability and opportunity to orgasm, and they really enjoy the idea that their orgasms are a gift from their Domme and given only when she sees fit. They crave the denial and the discomfort that the chastity device provides. They enjoy being made to beg for release. The Dommes usually enjoy being able to tease the submissive by getting them aroused and they enjoy the discomfort that their sub experiences when his cock begins to get hard inside the device. Even when the sub isn’t in their physical presence, the Domme can tease from afar with a phone call, e-mail or text message. It’s a great way to remind the sub of their role in the relationship. For men who enjoy this type of play, being able to experience this for days, or even weeks, is very enjoyable to them even when it is extremely uncomfortable.

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Not Like Sex Ed Class

Saturday, June 4th, 2011

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The classes that would be the most helpful to people were never available in the past, but these days it seems like more and more there are classes available that teach people how to be better lovers. In most larger metropolitan areas at least, people can find blow job classes for women that teach them how to provide their man with the most pleasure possible while also teaching them how to really appreciate and adore their man’s cock. There are usually classes for men about cunnilingus and how to bring their lady to mind-blowing orgasms with oral and manual stimulation. For both genders there are various classes that help them to improve their skills, safe sex and how to provide the most pleasure to a partner during sex. Sometimes there are even classes that teach about kinky activities including BDSM and fetish activities and relationships. There are sometimes weekend getaways for couples that focus on improving sexuality and pleasure, tantric sex and creating deeper intimacy. It seems that people will spend an awful lot of money on things that will increase their pleasure and improve their sex life. Who can blame them?

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A great benefit of classes and weekends like these is that they often help people to develop a better body image and increase their confidence as lovers, which is great for people’s self esteem. Building confidence, whether sexual or just personal confidence, will help people feel more confident and secure in other aspects of their lives, which is never a bad thing. Most people will start doing better at work or begin to have happier home lives when they feel more confident and secure. It’s been scientifically proven that when people improve their sex life, they also improve their health, their mood and their mental health, because sex helps to elevate people’s moods and reduce symptoms of depression. Most people probably realize that there are a lot of health benefits to having a healthy sex life, like healthier immune systems, better circulation, better bladder control, less depression, more mental clarity, better sleep and a more positive and upbeat attitude. Those benefits will definitely become apparent in other aspects of our lives, and as our confidence grows we’ll see our self esteem improve and we’ll become healthier emotionally as well.

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Degrade and Humiliate

Tuesday, May 17th, 2011

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Some male submissives really receiving degradation and humiliation play from their dominant partners. Degradation and humiliation is a subject that can be a little bit controversial in BDSM circles. Done carelessly, it can cause quite a bit of emotional distress to the receiver. The dominant partner, who is responsible for the physical and emotional well-being of his or her submissive partner, should use caution and common sense wit this type of play. They should also take the time to get to know their partner for a variety of reasons.

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One of the most important reasons that it’s important for the partners to be familiar is the effectiveness of the play. If the submissive partner enjoys some degradation and humiliation, it’s important to know what type is effective with that person. Everyone is different, and to create an effective scene it is important to know what makes the submissive tick. Degradation doesn’t work if it doesn’t make the submissive feel degraded in any way. One must know what specific things will work with the submissive without making them feel overly emotional and get them to the point that they are no longer enjoying the scene. Making fun of a man’s cock may be perfect for one submissive but might really distress another. A man who loves wearing women’s panties may not feel any degradation or humiliation no matter what the Dominant says to them, while other men who are embarrassed to admit that they enjoy may really get off on being forced to wear them and made fun of for having them on. Degradation and humiliation is not a one size fits all fetish. It must be tailored to the specific submissive, and extensive negotiation should precede this type of play in order to assess just what the submissive can handle.

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In addition, care must be taken to build the submissive back up at the end of this type of scene. Compliments on their behavior or on how well they handled everything that happened during the scene will help bolster them back up and reassure the submissive that they are cared for by their Dominant. Extra aftercare may be needed after particularly intense scenes. Done with care, degradation and humiliation can be really hot, but the Dominant should be really aware of the submissive’s state of mind throughout the scene.

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Finding Kinky Friends

Thursday, May 12th, 2011

BDSM parties are a great way to meet other kinky people who are looking for fun. People can search adult personals, but it’s not always easy to find other kinky people to play with because a lot of people don’t advertise that they’re into BDSM even on . Some people get worried that someone they know may see them, and they worry that it could hurt their job or cause problems in their personal life in some way. It is a valid concern, because a lot of mainstream people tend to judge others negatively for the private things that go on in their bedrooms. It doesn’t make any sense because having an enjoyable sex life doesn’t mean that a person has no morals, and it doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person. Liking something different doesn’t make them bad people, it only makes them different. Unfortunately some people don’t see it that way.

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Looking for other adults on kinky dating sites or through kinky personals at least ensures that most people on the site are actually kinky. It doesn’t necessarily guarantee how kinky or if they’re really into BDSM, but it’s a start. Of course there are some curious vanilla people that stumble across these types of sites and put up ads and profiles, but they are in the minority, and they either develop a true interest in being kinky or they get freaked out and take their ad down. Either way, they usually don’t really cause any trouble. They want information and possibly to seriously consider whether their deepest darkest fantasies are actually something that they want to try in real life.

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Parties and get-togethers are great ways to meet people because the majority of the time the people that are there already are aware of the fact that they’re kinky and they’re okay with it. They’re pretty clear about what they like and they’re comfortable with themselves. It can save a lot of aggravation to meet people that way and not have to take the chance of bringing up BDSM to someone that might not be entirely comfortable talking about it. Even when vanilla people seem open minded they can sometimes see kink as deviant sexual behavior, and it can freak them out.

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Acceptance Of Kink

Monday, May 9th, 2011

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There are a few fetishes that make people feel a little bit squeamish because they’re a little edgy or seem kind of gross to some people. Kinky people usually try very hard to respected each other and not judge someone’s else’s kink, but sometimes when something seems really disturbing it can be a little bit difficult to be open-minded. One thing to remember is that there are people that would find our kink disturbing, even if it seems like a rather mild kink to us. There is always someone more vanilla or more mainstream who may judge us because what we like may seem extreme to them. When we remember that, it can sometimes make it easier for us to treat other people with respect and be less judgmental toward other people, especially when we stop and remember how it makes us feel when it happens to us.

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The good thing is that mainstream vanilla people seem to be getting more accepting of kink, fetish and alternative lifestyles. It’s becoming more visible, and not always in a bad way. There are still crime shows where someone gets killed and further investigation ends up showing that it was either a murder in a dungeon or an accident in a dungeon and the show goes on to examine the slimy underbelly of society that is BDSM clubs, or at least that’s how the vanilla writers like to portray the kink community. There are other outlets though, like music videos by various artists that clearly show BDSM as attractive and sexy. Mainstream vanilla people may not be getting more accepting of BDSM, but they are at least probably getting a little bit desensitized to it. That’s not an entirely bad thing. If they see something kinky and don’t bat an eyelash over it, they will probably leave kinky people alone a little bit more and accept kink as some normal part of life for some people and not a bad or dangerous thing.

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While most kinky people really don’t want any vanilla people nosing about in their business, most would also agree that it wouldn’t hurt for the BDSM crowd to be more accepted and less judged by people who live a more mainstream lifestyle. That what most people in the world want; to be accepted for who they are and not judged.

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