Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

McLovin’

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

There was recently a study put out by McDonald’s that surveyed about 2000 Canadians. The findings of the survey showed that frequent McDonald’s consumers are showing love for the late night drive-thru, rather than some late night loving. Instead of fulfilling late night cravings with hot sex, this group would rather satisfy their desires with a big, fat, juicy Big Mac.

The marketing department at McD’s says this is because most drive-thru’s are open 24 hours, so they can better satisfy late night cravings.

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What does this say about Canadians to the rest of the world? In my opinion it says that we’re fat, and too damn lazy to have sex. What is this world coming too?

Thankfully we’re not the only country to choose McDonald’s over the more traditional late night cravings. Three McDonald’s outlets in Hong Kong are now offering “McWeddings”, a chance to get married under the golden arches.

According to a McDonald’s executive, “traditional weddings use cherries for the newlyweds to eat together and kiss. We will have french fries for them to kiss. People said they dated here or met here, and wanted to get married here. We see this as a business chance.”

So, we now have real people out there who would prefer to have a Big Mac rather than sex, and would like to have their wedding at McDonald’s. Those Big Mac lovin’ Canadians are probably extremely jealous of those Chinese people who can kill two birds with one stone by having sex while eating a Big Mac immediately after their McWedding. Sounds just great!

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It’s hard for me to process this information; then again, people are willing to have Star Wars and Lord of the Rings themed weddings, so it was only inevitable that somebody would want to get hitched at McDonald’s.

It’s only a matter of time before fast food ranks first on the priority list of people all over the world. Next thing you know we’re going to be watching burger porn; picture a fat chick rubbing Big Mac sauce all over her body. Yummy.

Top 5 Lines No Man Wants To Hear

Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

When it comes to dating, there are certain things that no man wants to hear. Ever. In order to keep from being totally and utterly humiliated, or just ticked off, read on for a list of the worst things that could be said to a man. Knowing them could certainly save you some face.

1. “I Only Drink Champagne” – We’ve all been there. You finally build the guts to ask that beautiful – and out-of-your-league – girl out on a date. Upon asking her what she would like to drink, she throws a bomb by claiming to only drink champagne. Great, there goes another $100. Let’s just hope you don’t end up watching free porn at the end of the night.

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2. ‘”Do Something!” – There is no appropriate time to hear those two dreaded words used in sequence. Needless to say, if you hear it mid sex, know that you need to work on your performance, and fast. In all other instances, consider your primal instincts. Men should be protective and “do things”, so start doing them before you look like a pussy.

3. “That’s Not The Right Hole’ – Whether you “casually” forgot about her distaste for anal sex or simply can’t tell the difference between the later and standard intercourse, getting a ‘that’s not the right hole” usually means your partner is already ticked off. Good luck with that.

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4. “Your Card Has Been Denied” – There is nothing more embarrassing that having a cashier suddenly announce to everyone (and their mothers) that your card has been denied. Bonus points if this happens while you’re with that girl that only drinks champagne. How grand that would be.

5. “Did You Just Fart?” – If you’re out in public, you can at least pretend as if it was someone else. However, if after prepping your bedroom for a night of wild sex – wine, candles and all – you decided to let one out, you might as well just send her home. Try not to eat so much rubbish next time, champ.

Homemade Kitchen Sex Toys

Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

Forget what your parents told you about not playing with your food. You’re not a little kid anymore, and incorporating food into your sex life can really spice things up.

Remember the saying, “if you can’t take the heat, then get out of the kitchen”? Well, the kitchen is about to be on fire, so put your game face on and play along.

You can try playing with food in wild ways that you’ve never dreamed of. Have fun with honey, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, or even marshmallow fluff. Carrots and cucumbers can make great penis substitutes. Have your girl use them on herself, or you take control. Remember, put a condom on it!

There’s also a lot of other things in the kitchen that can be used as sex toys, besides food.

Roll up a towel and place a plastic bag in the “tube” that the towel created. Fill the plastic bag with lube, then place it somewhere you can thrust away into.

Line a plastic cup with two thick kitchen sponges. Wet the sponges with warm water and then lube up the space between the sponges. Once again, place it somewhere and thrust away.

Oct 26 orgasm.com1

Check out the freezer because ice can be amazing for sexual thrills and chills for the both of you. Tease your chick by rubbing a piece of ice, or maybe even some frozen peas along her nipples, face, arms, thighs, ass, and clit. If you have some popsicles in there, you can use one as a dildo. I know you’ve probably watched this on porn somewhere, but you have to remember to not leave it inside your chick for too long because she could get a bad case of freezer burn! They don’t tell you that in porn.

Saran Wrap can also be a kinky substitute. Wrap some around your girls body, and your own if you really want to be frisky. It’s a fun and easy way to create your own lingerie; it’s see through, and easy to strip off.

Instead of using the spatula to make cupcakes, bend your girl over your leg and spank her ass with it. If she’s not really into the spanking, then flip it over and use it as a homemade dildo. Make sure there are no sharp edges on the surface that could cut into skin.

Use anything that is electrical as a vibrator. Place it on your girls pussy and she will completely enjoy herself. Once again, remember to use your common sense and play safe.

After you’ve broken in your kitchen and used it as the sexual haven that it is intended for, have your girl make you dinner. Skip dessert, and move into another room in the house and use everything in it for your sexual pleasure.

Simple Sex Is One Of Life’s Greatest Pleasures

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

If there’s anything that certain about sex, it’s that it can complicate life and relationships. Sex is messy: it controls our actions and often leads to places we’d otherwise avoid. Despite this, no one goes out of their way to avoid sex – in fact nearly everyone embraces sex in their own way. So how do you choose what you’d like?

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Internet porn has made sex easy, not to mention accessible for public consumption. You don’t have to hide in a dirty bookstore to buy it anymore – and without that embarrassment people have opened up to fetishes and darker desires. Like a good meal you can have your fucking any way you like it – with whips, chains, stockings, anally, on a boat. The scenarios are endless, and often lead to an escalation in the type of behavior needed to get off.

Escalation is a key point, because although we like our ladies in thigh high stockings, and love when they suck dick in lipstick, sometimes there’s nothing better than just plain old sex. You know the kind: you strip down and bend over a big titted bitch and fuck her until she screams. Never mind acrobatics worthy of Cirque du Soleil, simple pounding is refreshing and a back to basics approach that will help you return to your roots.

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So the next time your lady comes over, smack her ass and get down to one of life’s richest pleasures: simple sex. You can thank us later.

Female Athletes: Sex-Icons In The Making?

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

Sex sells. An old adage, yet true: sex is used to sell everything from beer to cars, and traditionally, waif-like models have been used to do it. Athletes have been increasingly sexualized however, and the 21st century has seen a rise in the number of muscled midriffs in popular culture. After all, what’s hotter than fucking a skinny model? Fucking a tight, toned and primed athlete that will rock your bed like porn star on steroids – that’s what. So let’s take a look at 4 of the hottest athletes in the world today.

Amanda Beard:

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A world class swimmer and Olympic Gold Medalist, Beard set the bar high by medalling in three consecutive Olympic Games. Moreover, she put her porn worthy body on display in Playboy, setting a precedent for other athletes trying to match her celebrity.


Lindsay Vonn
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Lindsay Vonn was lauded as America’s Winter Olympic answer to Michael Phelps in early 2010, and while she didn’t quite live up to that mantle, she did bring home a gold medal. Not only that, but she sparked jealousy in teammates and opponents alike by showing off her tight body in an alluring Sports Illustrated Swimsuit spread to coincide with the games. It’s worth finding too, especially to see her voluptuously muscled ass in action.


Alison Stokke
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Stokke

While Stokke’s athletic pedigree pales in comparison on her beauty, it’s her muscular body that has everyone talking. That and the fact that she’s a pole-vaulter – prompting otherwise respectable journalists to lose their shit and crack: she could vault my pole any time. Amen!


Anna Kournikova
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These days, Kournikova is more celebrity than athlete, but she makes our list for that very reason. Anna is a modern prototype : a failed athlete who has exploited her sex appeal in Hollywood. While she’s been in a relationship with Enrique Iglesias for nearly a decade, he’s bound to come out of the closet at some point. Until then, we’ll be waiting for Anna with baited breath.

The Orgasm Guide To Water Sex

Monday, October 25th, 2010

For those who’ve tried it, you’ll know that having sex in water is not as easy as it looks in movies and porn. In fact, “submerged” sex can be incredibly dangerous for women. When looking to get wet and wild, follow these tips in order to ensure that you’re not putting yourself, or your partner, in any sort of danger.

The first thing to consider when having water sex is that condoms are significantly less effective underwater. Hot water and chlorine can have serious impacts on a condom’s durability so know that if a jimmy-hat is a necessity; perhaps it’s best to stay on dry land.

Oct. 22 - The Orgasm Guide To Water Sex

Also, don’t be quick to assume that just because you are surrounded by water, that you don’t have to worry about lubrication. Instead, water actually washes off any sort of moisture you may already have – making for an uncomfortable sex session. As an alternative, consider a non water-soluble lubricant like silicone.

For those looking to get busy in a pool; think again. Having chlorine rushing in and out of your partner’s vagina is the fastest way to infection. As for the bathtub, the same applies. Not only is it a tight squeeze – pun intended – but having soapy water inside her is bad news. Stick to the shower. That way, you’ll still get to be wet and have sex at the same time.

If you plan on getting busy at the beach, remember that salt water and vaginas don’t exactly mix. Consider engaging in some foreplay while floating around, and then take matters elsewhere. When it comes to water sex, it is always better to be safe than sorry.

Jurrasic Jocked: Grow Your Manhood Like A Porn Star

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

If there’s one thing the average man would change about himself if he could, it would be the size of his manhood. Johnson, cock, skin-flute, easy rider, clam digger, one-eyed monster, bald avenger, middle leg, Pope John Pole 3 – no matter the name, the average length of a man’s rod is 6 inches when fully erect – hardly the size of Lexington Steele. So how can the average man look, and fuck, more like a porn star?

First off, it’s a myth that you can’t increase the size of your penis. When starting out, keep in mind that illusion is part of the process – it’s how much bigger the girl you’re fucking THINKS your penis is that counts. Fancy yourself David Blaine – after all, once you’re inside her, size doesn’t matter anymore and getting off does. So here are a few tips that will help you score, and keep your girl coming back for more.

Stay trimmed: If you don’t do this, for God’s sake get started. Trimmed public hair isn’t just for the ladies anymore, and now that the metrosexual craze is in full swing, it’s an accepted part of the male grooming ritual. If you’re hesitant, think of the advantages – trimming the hair away from the base of your cock will make it look substantially bigger and let your lady get a full view of King Dong. Really, you haven’t done anything, and you’re already bigger.

Cock rings: A cock ring can be a great way to thicken your rod – put it on when you’re hard to constrict the blood flow in your dick and you’ll start to look like a can of Pepsi. While your girl may see you slip it on – we’ve found most women don’t care, and go gaga for your girth. If you’re worried about your lady finding out, try a clear ring on for size – it will camouflage nicely.

Get your potential lay drunk: If our first two surefire cock enhancement methods fail, you can always just get your girl drunk. Beer goggles have been getting men pussy for centuries – even the short penised losers who bred to make anyone reading this article a reality! So, stay strong our poorly endowed friends – onwards and upwards (naturally)!

Breast Implants: Why Size Matters And When Big Is Too Big

Saturday, October 23rd, 2010

Picture yourself at a fundraising carwash, the kind where you pay ten bucks for two porn stars with big tits to come and clean your windshield with their mammoth mammaries. Now imagine those same sluts throwing their slabs on your Escalade’s windshield and your world going dark. The thought is scary – while we all love breast implants there’s a point at which big is just too big.

Breast Implants

Take Heidi Montag as a prime example. When Heidi first appeared on The Hills she was a skinny flat chested blonde with a big nose. Sure, we would have fucked her (perhaps even multiple times), but without much to talk to we would have moved on to bigger and better things. Heidi may be dumb, but she was smart enough to realize that her value wasn’t nearly as high as it could have been so she went under the knife to have her face fixed and her tits done. The end result was a minor miracle as Heidi was transformed from an average beach slut to a superstar – the kind of big breasted blonde that embodies the American dream.

With that said, when Heidi went under the knife again for an extreme makeover this spring, she pushed her look too far. There’s a fine line between bombshell and alien, and Heidi passed it by having her face pulled tighter than Joan Rivers and supersizing her breasts so that they resembled flesh colored bowling balls. Yes, we’d still fuck her, but much like the original version of Heidi, her stock was greatly reduced.

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So when it comes to tits, there’s such a thing as too big. As a rule, tits shouldn’t block the sun, they should simply allow the sun to highlight their bulging contours. Looking natural isn’t necessarily the prototype that should be aspired to – after all, men love fake breasts – but women who look deformed are quite simply unattractive. Hollywood – take note!

A Newbie Guide To Swinging

Friday, October 22nd, 2010

Being a swinger is a lot more than just having sex with multiple partners. It’s a lifestyle. For those curious to try it, know that it involves a lot more than just heading over to your local swingers club, condoms in hand.

For starters, know that you can’t just simply stroll into a swinger’s club without a partner. However, that only applies if you are of the male variety. Single females are more than welcome to stroll in at any given time. If you don’t have a partner, your best best is to go on “single men” nights. However, expect a sausage fest. The best way to go about swinging still lies in finding a partner who is willing and able.

Oct. 21- A Newbie Guide To Swinging

Despite the vast amount of swinger’s clubs, sex mostly happens in people’s houses and occasionally in the great outdoors (eg. camping grounds). Also keep in mind that many ‘high class’ clubs are “invitation only”, though many still welcome periodic walk-ins.

Before getting down and dirty, keep in mind that swingers are not just a bunch of horny animals that will hump anything with a pulse. Men will often find a hooker or crackhead to use as a “ticket” in order to get through the door, and that is the ultimate swinger faux pas. Most swingers have a zero-tolerance policy on dubious partners. So stick to a female companion that you know and trust.

Perhaps the hardest aspect of swinging is getting your partner to agree to it in the first place. When faced with a hesitant girlfriend, here a few convincing points:

- You don’t necessarily need to have sex with anybody else (but you will be watched, it’s a bit like free porn)

- You will have a newfound appreciation towards each other once you realize how desirable you are to others

- If she is concerned about showcasing her body, assure her that swingers come in all shapes and sizes and that they most definitely don’t discriminate

- It will provide you with a good opportunity to socialize and learn more about sex

Once you’ve gotten your partner willing and ready to go, make sure that you are both in agreement over how it will go down. While some partners are ok with ‘sharing’, others just like to observe. Alternately, some like to ‘play around’ with other couples but not have sex. Whatever your swinging style, know what you are in for before walking through those doors. You don’t want to end up causing a scene when you touch another woman’s tits and your girlfriend throws a fit.

Now that you know what to expect, and what you are willing to do, it’s time to do some prep work. Start off by ensuring that you have reservations (most parties have a guest list) and that you are given guidelines into the do’s and dont’s of your club of choice. Once that’s settled, make sure to arrive with your date in hand. Having her meet you inside might not be the best idea (or they could just simply not let you in). As for the dress code, dressing sexy is appropriate, being mistaken for a prostitute is not. Some swingers also chose to bring a robe for added convenience. Whatever your choice of attire, the most important thing to remember is to clean yourself up. Brush your teeth, take care of any grooming needs and ensure that your nails are clean. If only out of respect for others.

If you’ve finally managed to get inside and you and your partner are ready to go, know that there are additional factors to keep in mind. For starters, try not to offend anybody. If approached by an overweight man you would rather die than touch, a simple “no thank you” will suffice. Staring is also not exactly a good idea. If you come across a closed bedroom, leave it that way. The best approach for newbie swingers is to make friends with an experienced couple and have them show you around. Use protection, wash your hands in between sessions and you’ll have a jolly good time.

Sex Trend Du Jour: Cuckolding

Thursday, October 21st, 2010

In what is considered to be sex for the wise, ‘cuckolding’ is the newest sex trend amongst literates. What is cuckolding, you ask? Often popular amongst older couples, the process involves allowing another man to have sex with your wife or partner, and you may have seen it in free porn.

Portrayed as the ultimate shame by none other than Chaucer and Shakespeare, it’s not exactly shocking that this trend has become such a normal practice in modern-day society. A quick browse through the internet will prove that cuckolding websites are full of husbands looking for someone who would do them the favor of screwing their wives. Not only do they sit there and watch in excitement, but they often favor men that are stronger, smarter and sexier than they are. Go figure.

What could almost be considered a form of psychological sadomasochism, the “cucks” involvement lies only in observation. They never participate. Perhaps that is the allure of the whole thing; watching but not being able to intervene. While some people love to get beaten and tortured, “cucks” get turned on by going through some serious mental anguish.

Going through such an arduous psychological process seems to be attracting intellectuals over anyone else. Flocks of cuckolding enthusiasts flood websites such as OurHotWives.org in hopes of finding a suitable partner to take over in the bedroom. In an interesting turn of events, it’s curious to note that while these men are ok with having strangers have sex with their wives, the thought of them getting involved in an emotional sense is simply unthinkable.

It is interesting to think of what this trend will lead to in the future. Whether this will become progressively more acceptable or dwindle down as yet another fad is something we will have to wait and see.

Oct. 20 - Sex Trend Du Jour- Cuckolding