Archive for the ‘Sex And Society’ Category

Mid-Fuck Fuck-Ups

Monday, November 15th, 2010

It’s happened to just about everybody. You’re in the middle of a heavy makeout session when all-of-a-sudden, that chili you ate for dinner decides to manifest itself though an embarrassing fart. Or perhaps you foolishly scream out the name of your ex without realizing it. Whatever your sex stumble, know that we’ve all experienced one or two throughout our lives. Below, we look at some of the most common sex bummers as well as tips on how to save face once they happen.

1. Bringing Up Your Ex In Sex – If you suffer from a sudden brain fart and end up calling out your ex fling’s name mid-sex, there is very little you can do to salvage the situation. Not only will your partner be extremely upset (understandably so), but it will also make them wonder if you have any leftover feelings for your former lover. The best you can do at this point, is deny, deny, deny. Only time can heal a lack of trust. And sometimes, not even that.

2. Peeing By Accident – Sometimes, constant pressure applied to a woman’s stomach can be enough to make her pee by accident. To avoid going through such humiliation, make sure to relive yourself before jumping into sex. Not having to preoccupy yourself with the need to tinkle will make for a much more pleasurable experience.

3. Flatulence – Much like peeing in the middle of sex, farting can also be just as distracting – and gross. In order to avoid dealing with gastritis, cut off potatoes, peas and baked goods off your diet before a night of passion. Exercising, or going for a brisk walk before getting down an dirty will also help you digest and avoid any future embarrassments.

4. Long Nails – Although movies tend to depict it as something erotic, there is nothing sexy about having scratches all of over your back. Not only would it be incredibly painful but long nails tend to be associated to a lack of hygiene. As for long toe nails, don’t even get me started. Keep yourself in check by making sure your talons are properly filed and have no traces of dirt. Failure to do so could result in you watching free porn instead of getting laid.

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5. Falling Asleep – Once in awhile, even the promise of an orgasm is not enough to keep you awake. To avoid falling asleep mid-sex and embarrassing yourself and your partner, either skip it all together or take a quick shower climbing into bed. The water will help to wake you up, at least for a short while.

Wind Blowing The Sail On Your Mast: Putting The Fun Back Into Masturbation

Sunday, November 14th, 2010

Masturbation is the most common sexual activity in the world – even men with girlfriends and wives often masturbate more often than they have straight up sex. Despite this fact, masturbation is rarely discussed, and has become a neglected part of a healthy sex life. Knowing how to take care of yourself is crucial, so we’ve come up with some solutions to make your masturbatory routine a more varied and tactile experience.

#1 The Fleshlight: While the fleshlight is the most costly suggestion on our list, it’s also the most rewarding. Shaped like a flashlight, the fleshlight is made of plastic that feels nearly like human skin. No word of a lie, sticking your cock in the vaginal opening for a quick fuck is magic. If you have the resources, we recommend the fleshlight for a reality based experience.

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#2 Apple Pie: American Pie popularized the hot apple pie technique years ago, however it’s now seen as a masturbation cliche. There’s no reason for this, as pie a perfectly viable way to get your rocks off (did I mention it was warm too?). Just remember to pull out before you bust a nut though, you wouldn’t want to add any special sauce to Sunday night’s desert.

#3 The Mattress Technique: This is the real reason box-springs were invented: just slip your cock between your mattress and box-spring and start fucking – and you’ll see what we mean. Pure bliss!

#4 A Bag of Vaseline: If you’re not a fan of the mattress technique above, it’s probably because you don’t like your masturbation quite as rough as we do. For those who aren’t satisfied with a rough ride, we recommend the good ol’ baggy of vaseline. It’s smooth, silky and sensual without too much mess (as long as you pick an appropriate bag).

#5 The Old Standard: With all of our tried and true methods, don’t forget that sometimes it’s great to masturbate with a clenched fist. It’s God’s way – so pump your penis hard with this old school technique on Sundays! Over and out.

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When Sex Gets Awkward

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

We all know that sex doesn’t happen like it does in all of those free porn videos that we watch online. It’s never perfect, and more times than not, there is something that goes wrong. If you do encounter a night of perfect sex than props to you, but the majority of times, something happens that makes the situation a little less magical, and a tad bit awkward.

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If she hasn’t made a single sound since you started- what do you do?

1. First you must check to see if she is still awake. If she is sleeping or passed out, you can just pretend to roll over and pass out as well. Whatever you do, DO NOT fuck her without her knowing it. That’s pretty much rape and you could probably be thrown in jail for that.

2. Say her name and make some noises yourself. Hopefully this will make her feel more comfortable and speak up.

3. If it’s still not working, bite her subtlety so she has to make a sound. If she still doesn’t, then she must be in some sort of hypnotic trance.

If you start your period in the middle of fucking-what do you do ladies?

1. “Im so glad my first time was with you!” Make a joke out of it and it will take the pressure off.

2. Clean it up. If his sheets are messy, offer to wash them.

3. If your still horny you could ask him if he wants to continue. But the choice would be totally up to him.

She’s as dry as a dessert-what do you do?

1. If you have lube, use it! There’s no shame in suggesting she need some extra moisture.

2. No lube? Saliva works just as good, and it’s a lot hotter to use.

3. If it’s still dry and hurting her, or you, stop. Try resorting to oral for the time being until you can get some lube on hand.

Don’t freight over awkward situations that happen during sex because, trust me, we all have them. Even the best porn stars say they have had some pretty embarrassing moments so shake it off and try it again.

10 Thing You Should Know About Sex

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

Of course you probably think you know everything there is to know about sex. You’ve watched countless amounts of free porn, you’ve had over 50 partners, and you’ve done the dirty deed in places we could only imagine, but that doesn’t mean your a registered sexpert. There’s always room for a little extra know-how when it comes to the sex department.

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1. Anyone can get an STD, and I mean anyone. You should always wear a condom and you should know the right way to put it on or else your chances of waking up with a bad case of herpes will be a lot greater.

2. Pregnancy prevention requires a lot more thought and effort. Just because you pull out before you cum doesn’t mean that you girl wont get pregnant. There’s such things a pre cum that are just as good when it comes to knocking a girl up.

3. Sex and alcohol can have a bad outcome. Sure, when we’re drunk we get really horny, and so do chicks so it’s the perfect equation. But when you’re drunk, you’re also allot shittier at making good decisions which can lead to some pretty bad outcomes. You decide not to wear a condom, bam, you’re gonna be a daddy! Congratulations!

4. Choosing the chick you’re going to have sex with shouldn’t be so easy. You should be picky when it comes to sex partners. Don’t go out and fuck every ugly chick on campus simply because it’s just a bad idea.

5. It takes skills to please a woman. A chick’s body is even a mystery to most of them, therefore it’s often very unfamiliar territory for you. You need to do your research before hopping in the sac.

6. Men need to pace themselves. Sure, it would be great if we could just pound away until it was time for us to cum, but it’s not very polite. You should slow down and try and get her to enjoy the experience just as much as you are.

7. Everybody has different sexual needs. There are oat of generalizations about men, but women are different creatures. Any guy would be happy with a blow job, but when it comes to chicks, they each have their own personal preferences. Which brings me to the next point.

8. You have to communicate your desires. If you don’t explain what you like and vice versa, no one is ever going to be satisfied.

9. Sex has emotional impact on guys and girls. Science proves that women become attached to their sex partners more often then men, but guys still have some emotion under all that hair.

10. Sex is a relationship. Doesn’t matter if you only fuck the girl once, there is still a relationship that has been built between the two of you.

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Toilet Sex

Tuesday, November 9th, 2010

According to Spike.com, every man’s favorite go to website for sports, sex, and entertainment news, one of the most sophisticated sex positions out there for men is…wait for it…toilet seat sex.

Now, you’re probably wondering exactly what this means because it could go down many different roads. But, toilet seat sex is exactly what it sounds like; having sex while sitting on the toilet doing your business.

Yes, you heard right. Imagine sitting down on the toilet after a long days work, hoping to release some inner frustrations, when your girl walks into the bathroom and starts fucking you at the same time you’re taking your poop. Talk about killing two birds with one stone!

According to Kelly from spike.com, “the most exciting and interesting ways to have sex is on the toilet. It provides you with the opportunity to do your business while at the same enjoying a pleasurable experience.”

When I thought about this idea long and hard, it really did seem intriguing to me because who doesn’t like taking a shit and having sex? So, I decided to try it out for myself! Though trial and error, I came up with some tips and advice for all you out there who would like to try toilet sex:

First of all, you need to find a nice and comfortable toilet bowl. Sure, there are those ones that you can by for senior citizens who constantly have hemorrhoids and are covered with a thick, spongy, cushion, but that’s kind of weird. I would suggest using a regular toilet seat that has a nice shape to it and conforms to your body.

Next, you need to find a nice, sexy female who would be willing to have sex with you. If you have wives or girlfriends that are not sexually adventurous, then I’m sure they probably wont be into having toilet sex with you, just like they won’t be into free porn.

Once you find your girl, you want her to get into position on top of you like she would normally sit on your lap with her back facing you. You can then stick your dick inside of her. If you really want to be freaky and keep with the common theme, you can stick it in her ass.

What’s great about this position is that all the work is left up to your girl so you can concentrate on doing your business without having to do any work at all!

Some of you might not be interested in this, but don’t knock it until you try it! It can be completely thrilling and arousing, so give it a chance.

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The Art Of The Daytime Pick Up: Fun In The Sun Can Lead To Fun In The Sack

Monday, November 8th, 2010

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If you’re anything like the average man, you think of sex every seven seconds: have to wash the car, have sex, pick up groceries, sex, get a coffee, sex sex sex. Sure this can be a distraction, but in the mind of the right man it can also have the potential to lead to a satisfying existence infused with a hell of a lot of fucking. So what can the renaissance man of the 21st century do to spice up his days?

First off all, be on the lookout for your window of opportunity. There are specific places that hotties can be found during the day, and we’re not just talking the gym (although the gym is one of the best places to find a fit fox to fuck). Bank tellers, baristas, and secretaries are all positions filled with hot women – and positions where you don’t have to be overly qualified (read: smart) to apply. So, slip your number and a sexy note women in these positions and you could get lucky: there’s a reason a secretary, for example, is the target of free porn videos. It’s because many of them actually do wear thigh high stockings underneath their skirts just in case there’s a big cock on offer.

Despite the fact that you’re looking to get laid, subtlety is underrated. Remember that everyone else is thinking the same thing you are, so if you’re able to outsmart the rest of your gender, you’ll be the one taking home the hottest piece of ass. For example, women hate getting hit on at the gym – so don’t be one of the fools that makes a b-line for the honeys on the elliptical machines. It’s always a better idea to wait in an area close to the gym, perhaps a coffee shop across the street, where you can strike up a conversation naturally. Women hit the gym because they want to get laid – they’re looking to increase their chances by getting fit, and physical activity breeds the desire for more physical activity (read: sex, with you, if you play your cards right), so it’s not hard to get a gym goer into bed once you catch her off guard with conversation.

So, don’t delay. Use some of these tried and true techniques to have your daytime lead to playtime. After all, there’s nothing worse than waiting at a bar all night to pick up while the real studs are home pounding personal trainers because they outmaneuvered you.

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Here’s The Situation: A Guide To Jersey Shore Lingo

Monday, November 8th, 2010

The guido’s and guidette’s of Jersey Shore just wrapped of the second season of their hit reality TV show and there is nothing but bright lights and big bills for the future of these castmates.

The Situation was a Dancing With The Stars contestant and has recently launched a new book. Snookie is being paid thousands of dollars to show up at club for about 10 minutes, all over the US, and Pauly D just bought a brand new Lamborghini.

These kids are ringing in the dough and it’s all because of their outrageous personalities and partying habits that allow them to create some of the most obnoxious, weird, and plan old fucked up lingo.

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IIIIttt’ssssss T-SHIRT TIME!!!!! Here are some infamous Jersey Shore sayings that most of you will probably need a Guido dictionary to help decipher:

GTL: A day long activity that is mostly done by MVP which includes going to the gym, tanning, and doing laundry.

MVP: The power trio created my Mike, Vinny and Pauly.

Cockblock of the century: One who is legendary for preventing his or her male roommate from succeeding in his sexual conquests.

Community smush room: A room that is used for smushing and smushing only.

Smush: When you have sex with someone.

Double Bagger: When the person you’re getting it in with is so ugly you have to put over her head and your own, just in case.

Getting it in: When you have sex with someone.

DTF: Down to fuck.

DTS: Down to snuggle.

Grenade: An unattractive fat woman.

GFF: The grenade free foundation is an organization to keep grenades at bay in order to reach a GFA.

GFA: Grenade free America.

Land-mine: A skinny ugly girl.

Chicken Cutlet: A silicone insert that is placed into a chicks bra to make her tits look bigger.

Kookah: A woman’s vagina.

These are just a few of the Jersey Shore terms to get you through a days work. If you want to completely educated on their lingo, it will require you to take the day off work, because they have come up with a lot of shit!

Smelling Sexy: A Sure Fire Way To Increase Your Appeal With Members Of The Opposite Sex

Sunday, November 7th, 2010

terry-richardson-tom-ford-perfume-porn-photo-1It’s common knowledge that good hygiene will increase your chances of getting laid, and the math is fairly simple: grooming + bathing = better sex. Smell is often underrated on the hygiene hierarchy, but don’t be fooled – members of both genders want a partner that smells good, and surface smell is a good indication of what their junk will smell like when you get them undressed.

Still, specific smells have never been linked to sexual prowess, causing men and women alike to splurge on cologne and perfume at alarming rates. That is, specific smells haven’t been linked to sexual prowess until now. A new study documented in Judy Dutton’s recent book – Secrets from the Sex Lab, has indicated that men are most attracted to the smell of pumpkin pie mixed with lavender. Women on the other hand, are apparently drawn towards the odor of cucumbers mixed with the candy Good and Plenty.

This is a joke right? Or an advertisement for Good and Plenty? Apparently not. The mean attractiveness of these smells has been measured scientifically using increases in blood flow – with pumpkin pie and lavender increasing blood flow in men by 40% and cucumber and candy increasing blood flow in women by 14%. What’s so special about blood flow you might ask? Well, it’s increased during sex, especially in men, who need extra blood flow to maintain an erection (this isn’t porn where blood flow is magical people!)

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What isn’t clear in the aforementioned study however, is the why. Why are these particular smells linked to sexual behavior, and how can such a large increase in blood flow be attributed to a simple scent? While answers may be forthcoming, what we do know is that this is a mighty blow to Old Spice guy. That is, unless Old Spice plans on releasing a deodorant scented like cucumbers and Good and Plenty – just think of how much action Old Spice guy would get then!

Libraries: The New Place To Bone Up On Your Sexual Prowess?

Sunday, November 7th, 2010

By now you know Old Spice Guy – men want to be him and women want to be with him. If Old Spice Guy has given us anything (and he’s given us a lot), it’s a series of terrific parodies, and one in particular got us thinking about libraries. Sure, everyone’s been to the library to do research or find fake references for a paper, but the library has a lot of unexplored sexual potential: namely, the librarian.

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Librarians have a sex appeal that women in other fields of employment don’t have. Certainly fashion has something to do with this. Librarians dress a lot like stewardesses, making sure their appearance is immaculate and incorporating skirts and stockings into their wardrobe. It’s a feminine discipline, and of course the naughty librarians make sure they’re wearing thigh high stockings in case the right opportunity to speed their legs comes along.

The physicality of librarianship isn’t the only turn on however. Bookish types are quiet and smart with big imaginations – the types of imaginations that can lead to incredible fuck. So, should the library be a go to place to bone up on your sexual prowess? We say: why not? There are certainly worse places for a steamy session than between the book stacks, and your hot local librarian may have some new ideas up her sleeve (or skirt as the case may be).

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So the next time your at the library, make sure to be on the lookout for an opportunity to make a pass at one of the shy girls behind the front desk. We recommend taking out an erotic book to give her the hint, and following that up with friendly conversation. Who knows, maybe it’ll play out like free porn and you’ll get lucky!

The Sex Files: What’s Your Type?

Thursday, November 4th, 2010

You just broke up with your long term girlfriend and your buddies have called for a night out on the town to get you off the couch and out of the house, for that matter.

You tell them that you’re not really feeling up for it, until you realize that the only thing that is going to get you over your ex is to go out and have a nice one night stand with a sexually experienced chick that you meet at the bar.

Before you head out, you must first decide what type of chick you are going to want to bring home with you. There are a lot of different things to consider and a lot of different types of women to analyze.

The Party Girl“: These chicks love to drink and if they’re drunk it will be a lot easier to convince them to sleep with you. Even if you’re not the best looking guy, a good set of beer goggles can make any man look like Brad Pitt. Being wasted allows for all inhibitions to be thrown out the window and these chicks will more then likely be down for anything in the bedroom. However, you might have to do it in the bathroom so they can have easy access to the toilet to puke whenever they’re feeling queasy. And, if they’re too wasted, they could just pass out on you and lie there like a dead fish and leave all the work up to you. Actually, scientists say that party girls are often the ones who leave all the work up to the men when it comes to sex. This is probably not your best choice.

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The Gymnastics Girl“: This chick is super hot and has a great body. Not too mention she can bend like a pretzel and put herself in positions you’ve only seen on some freaky porn. Maybe she has a set of rings in her bedroom and can do the splits. The downsize is that they might see sex as an athletic activity and freak you out when she tries to beat you in a naked push up contest.

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The Smart Girl“: Take off the glasses and the collared shirt and maybe we have something here. Or maybe not. At least smart girls will know all there is to know about sex because they’ve probably read about it in the America Sex Journal. Most guys think that smart girls talk too much and you have to listen to them. According to the University of Guelph, college girls are more comfortable with sex, get aroused easier, and more likely to talk dirty. Scientists say that smart girls are better in bed because they can read our body language, take direction and they can communicate erotically. Therefore, they have the know-how to rock in bed.

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But, don’t take my word for it, go try it out yourself now that you know what type of chick is your best bet when you want a hot one night stand!