Recently the Spice Girls have been parodied in a porno film called OMG… It’s The Spice Girls Parody directed by Jordan Septo. There is much discussion in the news about the production being sued by record companies. But lets talk about something more important, like how we have always imagined these girls would be like if we ever got the chance to fuck one of them.

Lets start with Posh. Who wouldn’t want to hate fuck this girl or any other stuck up bitch for that matter? They say girls like this have something stuck up their ass, but I think girls are like that because of the lack of something up their ass. Posh is definitely in need of getting her shit pushed in.

Ginger. They say redheads are nutcases. If there’s one thing I do know about women, it’s this: if they are crazy in the head, they are crazy in the bed. I’m not saying she’ll want to be tied up and spanked, I’m saying it’ll most likely be you being tied up as you get slapped in the face and called Susan.

The Jock, Sporty Spice. There’s one thing that I’ve always feared going into the bedroom with a new girl… the fear that she will have better endurance then me. Sporty Spice looks like she’ll run laps around me. I’m sure I would be dripping sweat all over her and would be out of breath before I could even make an impact worth her remembering.

The token black girl, Scary. As a white man, I love black women. I would love be all over this, but as a white man I doubt I would be able to satisfy the needs to a dark and sexy woman. God knows I would love to try, but she is known to be the scary one. As long as she didn’t yell at me I would be cool. Angry black women are very scary

Baby Spice. I love the pigtails and the tight short outfits this girl is known for, but it’s just too cute for me. Something tells me this girl would be nothing but a starfish, something typical of the young blonde teen in her debut porn film. In reality, she is probably very different of her character portrayed, perhaps an inner rebel wanting to be violated, or a hidden kinky side where she wants to explore with other cute blonde in pigatails…

I’m pretty sure I have to find myself a copy of this parody movie soon and see how Jordan Septo imagined the biggest girl pop band ever would fuck and compare notes.

Brandy Aniston is a hot porn star with an interesting background. Her nationality is half Thai and half Armenian, which makes for a great combination, as you can see!

Recently Aniston starred in the Breaking Bad parody as the role of Jessie.

She recently said that it was quite the honor and probably her favorite role so far because Breaking Bad happens to also be her favorite TV show.

Pattinson, who is currently promoting the last film in the series Breaking Dawn Part 2, has said “I have thought about getting into porn a lot. We could do dirty versions of the Twilight films. I particularly like Banging Dawn.”

I also like Banging Dawn! Especially if Pattinson was to star in the flick! Have you seen that man? He is a smoke show! Not too mention the fact that they would also have to cast Bella and Cullens’s sexy vampire sisters.

Who do you think should play the rest of the cast? Keep in mind, they have to be fit, pale, and hot as fuck.

It turns out many of the city’s strip clubs are anticipating a surge in clientele with all the extra bodies in town. Both Tampa Gold Club & Scores Gentlemen’s Club & Steakhouse are reported as remodeling in advance of the convention. Tampa Gold’s renovations include a private side entrance specifically built for those who don’t want to be seen entering a strip club but can afford the $750/hour private room that entrance takes them to. Many strip clubs are also apparently stocking up on fine wines, champagne and cigars in preparation.

Thee Doll House may have taken the cake, however, for best Republican-themed idea. The strip club has reportedly scheduled Lisa Ann, star of Hustler’s “Who’s Nailin Palin” series, to feature dance for two nights during the convention. Yes, Republicans can spend the day with Sarah Palin and then watch her porn doppleganger take it all off on stage at night. In fact, the strip club is even offering reduced admission for people with press credentials for the RNC and free admission to senators, house members, Bill Clinton, Bill Clinton’s cigar and Barack Obama.

Dammit, why do the Republicans get to have all the fun?

According to TMZ, the guy behind the Not The Three Stooges XXX – yes that is the title of the porn parody – is being threatened by Robert Benjamin. Robert Benjamin is the Executive VP and General Council for C3 Entertainment, the outfit that produced the Farrelly Brothers monstrosity that grossed 17 million last weekend. He’s saying that the XXX version is not protected as a parody under the First Amenedment. Whatever that means. You know lawyers, they use tons of lawyer mumbo-jumbo. That’s why I didn’t go to law school, too much mumbo-jumbo for my liking.

What’s the big deal? So Larry, Moe and Curley get the XXX treatment, big whoop. Porn parodies are awesome. There’s always a girl on girl part that comes out of nowhere and the sex is comical. Don’t you want to see Morgan Moon yelling, “Fuck me Moe!” while getting plowed in the ass?

TMZ is reporting that the lawyer representing the porn parody fired back at Benjamin saying that parodies are protected under freedom of speech and then used some other mumbo-jumbo that you hear in courtroom scenes of Law & Order SVU. Benjamin should eat a big slice of E-Coli pie and shut it. There’s no reason to block what could be the funniest sex parody of all time.

St. Elmo’s Fire – “A group of friends, just out of college, struggle with adulthood. Their main problem is that they’re all self-centered and obnoxious.”

Now with the wave of my XXX magic wand, it becomes pornofied!

St. Elmo’s Pussy – A group of friends, just out of college, struggle to find the time to get together for a gangbang. Luckily Wendy Beamish let’s Billy Hicks shoot his load all over her tits.

Boyz In The Hood – “Once upon a time in South Central LA…it ain’t no fairy tale. Increase the peace.”

And with the waive of my magic wand John Singleton’s saga about a group of friends growing up in the ghetto becomes almost as dirty as the free HD porn Orgasm.com supplies you with.

Pussy In The Hood – Once upon a time in South Central LA Tre Styles gives it Brandi while Ricky scores a 710 on his SATs but gets shot before he can attend USC.

Forrest Gump – “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

I waive my XXX wand all over Jenny’s tits and we turn her into Jazy Berlin. Now we have the super sex version of Tom Hanks’ Oscar winning performance of a guy who is a little slow but somehow manages to do a ton of crap like inspire John Lennon to write “Imagine”, expose the Watergate scandal and play for the University of Alabama under the legendary Bear Bryant where he gets to sit out on the two-minute drill workouts.

Pussy Gump - Life is like a box of free HD porn. You never know who you’re going to fuck after playing ping pong for the US Army team. Cum Forrest, cum!

Top Gun – “I feel the need, the need for speed.”

Before I waive my XXX wand and turn one of the greatest bromance films of all time into a free HD porn experience, let me get this out of the way: To this day, whenever I hear “Playing with the Boys” by Kenny Loggins I think about volleyball. I don’t think about Maverick’s glistening body or anything, it’s more like “Oh man, Val Kilmer didn’t used to be fat.” Okay here it is, Top Gun the sex version.

Top Pussy - I feel the need, the need for pussy at all times. Seriously Goose, you’re supposed to be my wingman. Go find me some babes to bang before I become a Scientologist and marry that chick from Dawson’s Creek. Take my breath away with some hot pussy before the gay rumors start flying and I jump up and down on Oprah’s couch.

More and more news sources are discovering that when politicians rally against porn, it’s because they are avid viewers themselves.

It’s sad that we put such impossible standards on our political figures. In order to lower the bar, orgasm.com has decided to celebrate the politicians that look like porn stars.

First on the list is the lovely Sarah Palin. For those who don’t own televisions, computers or know how to read newspapers, Palin was a V.P. candidate for the Republican party back when McCain was trying to beat Obama. This mama grizzly lost in politics but continues to win big in reality television.

Her pornstar look-a-like is the stunner Lisa Ann, who became famous for “Banging Palin” and many girl on girl adult films.

Moving on is Michelle Bachmann. She is this year’s Palin and is a big Tea Party slut. Her husband is famous for being “not gay”.

Desi Foxx is a 51 year old porn star who shares many features with Bachmann. She enjoys sucking cock, while Michelle likes wieners. even with that difference, we think they could be twins.

Next up is the handsome Rick Perry, who also loves sticking meat in his mouth. Perry is trying to run for president, which means he should probably stop eating hot dogs in public.

His gay porn counterpart is the handsome Jason Ridge. Maybe the two of them can shake hands in an undisclosed location, perhaps in a sauna or poolside.

John McCain has taken a step back from politics lately, but there was a time when he could have been president of America. Unfortunately at age seventy five, the voters thought he was just too old.

Just like John McCain was a little aged for politics, his pornstar mirror image Dave Cummings is a dirty old man as well. Cummings is seventy one years young and he didn’t even start porn until he was fifty five.

Toronto’s mayor Rob Ford is fast gaining an international name for himself as the most hated politician in Canada.

Ford is known for his verbal abuse of 911 operators, breaking the law, then lying about it (and finally admitting it when incriminating camera footage came out) and total neglect for all of his mayoral duties.

Dick Nasty is a slimmer version of Rob Ford, he’s a 55 year old porn star and has more brains in his cock than Ford will ever have in his head.

Last but not least is the commander and chief, the one the only, Barack Obama. The guy who every FOX television reporter has accidentally called “Osama” at least once. God bless America.

Obama’s double (gang) banger is a multi ethnic porn actor of the highest caliber. Guy Desilva starred in “Obama’s XXX Stimulus Package”.

Thanks for reading folks, and if anyone has a picture of Rick Santorum’s (hopefully gay) porn look-a-like, feel free to let us know.

The writer isn’t always getting their jollies writing about cock and pussy all the time. They’re constructing sentences and forming literary movement and paying attention to grammatical flow. They edit and rewrite and sound things out. In short, it becomes a job just like any other writing gig they might receive. It’s a job and they have to deliver a professional product to it’s destination. They can’t skimp and they can’t turn in a half baked job to their boss or their editor. They’re likely to receive at best a reprimand and at worse, they’re looking for a new job. That hot steamy story you just read about porn star April O’Neil was probably approached very clinically by the writer who’s only joy came from their editor with a pat on the back and a good job, then it was on to the next project. Now this doesn’t go to say that writers don’t get any enjoyment or arousal out of what they write but any joy comes secondary to the job.

It is a job, and that job demands concentration and professionalism so these obligations have to be met first before they can, like you, sit back and enjoy what they read. There are hazards also that have to be watched for. It doesn’t do your writer any good to have their characters getting into some game of twister where the sexual positions are pushing the boundaries of anatomical possibility you see. If Jack is going to be doing Jill then the writer has to answer a few questions first. Does the action flow smoothly? Is it realistic? Would real people do these things or find them pleasurable? Only after these questions have been answered can your writer turn to the joy.

Asian porn has become pretty legendary among porn enthusiasts. Long before any other porn market was open to many of the niche markets of various fetish and kinky interests, Asian porn was exploring every possible sexual interest known to mankind. The Asian porn market has long been known to be the innovators when it comes to sex and pornography. It’s funny though, for all the kink and fetish and unusual sexual interests that the Asian porn industry is willing to delve into, quite a bit of Asian porn has people’s genitals blurred out. There are laws in Japan that forbid showing genitals and pubic hair, so that area is blurred even when there is no penetration. It may seem odd to some people that there is such willingness to explore so many unusual sexual adventures yet the country has obscenity laws that require that film makers not show the genitals of the cast.

Other popular forms of Asian pornography are hentai and adult video games. Hentai is a Japanese slang term for sexually explicit comics and animation, such as anime and manga. Hentai is extremely popular all around the world. The censorship laws in Japan discourage visible genitalia even in hentai. In spite of the fact that the characters are cartoons, the genitals and pubic hair is blurred even in the cartoons, animation and video games. In the US, the characters are required to appear to be obviously over 18, but the genitalia can be visible. In Japan, the characters can take on an obviously child-like quality, but the genitals must be blurred. That is just one example of the difference in censorship laws from country to country.

One clear benefit of Asian porn and hentai is that it tends to target a lot of different demographics, including material targeted specifically toward women. In the US, porn is predominantly targeted toward men, although the market for porn geared toward the female buyer is growing steadily.

As we grew from 8-millimeter to triple x movie fare, to home video to straight-to-video features, so now do we view what we view across our PC screens in the privacy of our own homes. As all other businesses progress in some way or die on the vine, digital technology made the selling, distributing and production of the modern day porn films a wholly different business then it was even five years ago, let alone from way back in the day when stag films were produced for bachelor party viewing. Pornographers today realize that current technology renders old idea obsolete, that the time is well passed to ruminate over the changes in the business, that even when one idea is being tried another, better, faster and newer one is being considered. In all business this quicker-than-you-can-think-it mentality exists but never stronger than in the world of providing visual stimuli for masturbation. Technology is both a blessing-for those who wish to assimilate and dissect these images at and ever faster cheaper rate-or a curse-for those trying to sell their porn downloads to an audience who can get all that sucking and fucking for free if they wish to.

The scenarios, images and ideas of the classic fuck show will never go out of style. As a culture we like our naughty images and will forever search for them from various sources. It is not a question of what do about the production of dirty movies as much as how to produce and distribute a good sex film and how to create something ever newer that people will be willing to pay for.