What do you get when you combine Ace Ventura and Juelz Santana? You’d probably have yourself a rapping pet detective, and not one of the most gorgeous porn star hotties to ever suck a dick on film. Make room in that spankbank because after the jump you’re about to commit Juelz Ventura and her gorgeous body to memory.
Archive for February, 2012
Porn Star Of The Week: Juelz Ventura
Monday, February 13th, 2012
Rock The Boat With Nautical Sex
Thursday, February 9th, 2012With Valentine’s Day just around the corner I’m starting to loose sleep. No, not because I have a special lady in my life but because there’s a lady I’d like to have special sex with. I met this girl the other day at the gym. She’s perfect. And by perfect, I mean smoking hot. Her personality is probably great but who cares, right? Judge me in a minute because in order to have a passionate XXX night with this woman I have to sit through the worst movie ever made: Titanic. Oh, and I have to sit through it in 3D because that’s how it’s being re-released. Do you not have enough money, James Cameron?!? Sorry, I’ll try and compose myself. But, there is one good thing about this whole Titanic nonsense, I get to fuck this chick after our date. I know this because she told me that she wants to have sex with me but would prefer if I took her out somewhere first and she decided on seeing Titanic. Anyway, this whole business got me thinking about boat sex. After the jump, I hope you’ll be thinking about it too.
Rise Of The Sex Machines
Wednesday, February 8th, 2012Cum with me if you want to live. A wise man once said that. Well, he didn’t really say that, he said come not cum but hey, this is about women getting their jollies on fucking machines. You’ve all seen Sybian clips in the free hd porn you watch on your smart phone when you think no one’s looking, but have you seen the fucking machines? These are the creme de la creme of sex technology. Don’t be jealous, your dick could never penetrate that far, that hard and that fast. Accept that the machines are taking over.
Top 3 In-Car Sex Positions
Tuesday, February 7th, 2012Whenever I’m behind the wheel of my shitbox (’95 Ford Escort! How the thing still runs is beyond me.) I always imagine I’m having sex with the my favorite XXX hottie Faye Reagan. The problem with having sex in cars is there’s no way to be creative. You’re working in a cramped space and there’s always the threat of Johnny Law knocking on your steamy windows, telling you to take your dick out of that girl’s mouth before he takes you both downtown. However, I’ve found three positions that are guaranteed to make you shoot your cumshot – jizz all over the dashboard (or lady juices if you’re doing girl on girl). Read on after the jump and find out how you can get off while getting on the road.
Porn Star Of The Week: Jada Fire
Monday, February 6th, 2012February is Black History Month so I figured I’d make this week’s XXX hottie an Ebony goddess. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the best black babe in the adult game, Miss Jada Fire. (Don’t worry, she’s naked after the jump.)
Ten Reasons You Don’t Want To Date A Porn Star
Monday, February 6th, 2012Dating a porn star sounds awesome, right? She’ll be gorgeous, have giant tits and know how to fuck like it’s her job. Oh wait, that is her job. Before you send flowers and candy to your favorite sex videos star with a card that says, “Will you go out with me? Check the box YES or NO.” read on after the jump. Dating a porn star might not be all it’s cracked up to be. Can you handle it?
A Sex Super Bowl Threesome
Sunday, February 5th, 2012Today two NFL juggernauts will go head to head in the biggest game of the year: The Super Bowl. Afterwards I’m going to try to get a Giant’s cheerleader and Patriots cheerleader to fuck me at the same time. Are you turned on yet? You should be because this crazy threesome sex is really going down…in my head. But you should still read on because after the jump I’m giving you a hot pictorial of threeways done right.
Foot Job Sex Like In Porn? You Bet!
Saturday, February 4th, 2012Is that a foot between your feet or are you just happy to see me? Ah yes, the ole foot job, one of the lesser known ways to have a girl jerk you off. I guess it’s not really jerking since the movements wouldn’t be as controlled because you’re using your feet but for arguments sake let’s call it a form of getting jerked off. Anyway, if you’ve never gotten a footy (which is also the nickname for soccer in Europe) you should make it your mission to get one tonight. You’re missing out. Have some sex tonight too while you’re at it. Why not?
Be A Cunning Linguist of Cunnilingus
Thursday, February 2nd, 2012When I was younger I thought I was really good at going down on girls. Why? Because I had one girlfriend tell me I was good at it. When you’re a freshman in college and your lady tells you that what you’re doing to her downstairs is making her cum like in all those grainy porno clips you used to download with dial up, you might consider yourself the pussy eating king. It turns out I wasn’t. I wasn’t even the pussy eating prince. I was just a guy who thought he was doing it right because one chick told him he was. It wasn’t until three girlfriends later that I learnt how to properly perform cunnilingus. Get ready to get schooled in the art of licking cunt because if you used to be like me in my freshman year of college, you need all the pointers you can get. After the jump things are about to get wet.
