In a recent Men’s Health article Mark Wahlberg happened to mention that he doesn’t touch his own funky bunch. Yeah right. Bud, we had a hard enough time believing that you’re taller then 5’8 in The Fighter, why would we believe that you don’t choke your own chicken? Everybody does it, even if it’s just once a month. How can the guy who gave us 1991′s smash hit “Good Vibrations” not give himself any good vibrations? Should he get off his high horse and want to get off, Orgasm.com would like to give Dirk Diggler some fodder he can use to stimulate his Staff Sergeant Dignan. Okay, we were really reaching with that last one. Hopefully you can forgive us after the jump.
We all have different tastes, but let’s agree that Nautica Thorn is gorgeous and we should all spank the shit out of our dicks to her XXX clips. If you squint, she kind of looks like your wife Rhea Durham. Just kidding. No one thinks about their wife when they masturbate. Unless you’re married to Nautica Thorn, in which case, we hate you.
Are you a member of the clergy Marky Mark? No? Good. You must like girl on girl stuff. If not you should really get into it. It can be sensual like the pic below of these two babes kissing or it can be raw like Marty with a huge dildo. Why do we get so turned on by two or more women getting their jollies? There’s probably some scientific/psychological explanation, but screw it. It’s hot!
If your dick’s not in your hand right now, you’re made of stone. Sorry, that was rude. Maybe you need something tangible to help you enjoy your own company like masterbilia for masturbation, something that you have in your possession that reminds you of a sexy time you had or wanted to have. An ex-girlfriends bra, a signed Red Sox baseball (you Bostonians and your Red Sox!), one of the costumes from the Planet of the Apes remake – whatever turns you on.
If what we’ve presented above isn’t enough to make your want to spend the rest of the day in full masturbation mode we’ve got just the ticket: The Dildo Monster. It’s a bizarre little XXX film, but you made I Heart Huckabees so you must be into some “interesting” cinema. Enjoy!
Tags: Masturbation, Nautica Thorn, Porn, XXX