Archive for April, 2011

The Quiet Lover

Thursday, April 21st, 2011

The sounds of sex are some of the most stimulating aspects of fucking, intercourse, making the beast with two backs or whatever one may call it. Aural stimulation is much of what helps us on the way to orgasm, hearing the wet slippery sounds of cock in cunt, the slick lubed sounds of anal sex, the sloppy wet sucking of a hot and hungry blowjob. Most of all though one enjoys the sounds of moans and grunts and groans and whimpers, all the vocal noises that lovers make in the bedroom.

Women are frequently believed to make more noises. Some scientists even believe this has to do with our evolutionary past. They refer to this as female copulatory vocalization but we can call it screaming and moaning. These scientists believe that many women in prehistoric times engaged in gang bangs or cuckolding or other forms of group sex. The moans of a fertile, horny woman would be used to attract other horny men who would take turns on her. Other factors suggest this like the mushroom head of a man’s cock which may help to remove previous ejaculations and make sure it is the man’s spunk which will impregnate the girl. The fact that men come more quickly whereas many women can orgasm many times or take a lot longer to reach orgasm and feel satisfied may also suggest this early non-monogamous history.

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But what can one do when lovers-male or female-is just too quiet? We all like applause, knowing that what one is doing with hands and fingers, with toes or cunts or cocks or assholes or lips or tongues — is bringing pleasure to the one receiving the pleasurable attentions.

Of course one can try encouraging one’s sex partner to be more vocal. For example when one is giving one’s boyfriend a handjob one can ask questions — inquire whether what one is doing feels good. Ask whether it is better if one strokes hard or soft, whether it is better to lick around the head or to deep throat the shaft during a blowjob. The same can be true with women too. Get a bedroom partner talking and one will have a better time, it can even lead to dirty talk, talk about how wet or hard or soft or good something feels and before one knows it one’s quiet lover will respond in kind.

The Ultimate Heat

Thursday, April 21st, 2011

Temperature play as a form of erotic stimulation is a dangerous yet exceptionally fun fetish for a number of kinky players. Temperature play involves using substances and objects to stimulate the body’s neuroreceptors for heat and cold for sensual effect.

Substances include oil, water, alcohol, molten wax and chocolate syrup. The last one is a favorite among novice players and those who are kinky but not fetish oriented. It’s widely available and relatively tasty compared to some of the flavored oils, carries none of the dangers of alcohol or molten wax and can be easily cleaned up.

Objects for temperature play include metal sharps, such as knives, dildos, chains, necklaces and other things that can be submerged in water or frozen with rapid results.

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Light bondage and blindfolds-aka sensory deprivation-can enhance the experience as the body shuts down those resources and diverts energy into the direct stimuli.

Typical fire play involves setting something with 50-70% rubbing alcohol on fire, than applying it on or over the skin. Scarring can occur if negotiated and allowed by both parties. Skill here is imperative so ensure the safety of both parties.

Wax is often used as a tool in temperature play because it’s easy to vary the level of pain or intensity of heat involved. Simply by holding dripping wax farther up from the skin, or closer to the body can one induce longer sensations.

Proper precautions for this type of sexual stimulation include water, cotton swabs, bandages and band aids, gauze, as any typical first aid kit should include. If bondage of any sort is involved, then sharp scissors should be included in the event that something goes wrong.

Several well-written articles have been published at various sites online such as The Frugal Domme, Wikipedia and there are a number of BDSM resources for those looking to explore temperature play.

Ice play is the opposite extreme from fire play. Using ice cubes, ice shaped dildos and other methods of freezing water into hardened substances; the body is exposed to cold temperatures. This form of stimulation often produces arousal in women when rubbing ice cubes across or around their nipples. Dangers include frostbite if the objects are too cold or left in place for too long. The danger point is way before what seems like a real problem, so monitoring a partner’s body and observing closely are good ideas.

The Mistaken Kink

Wednesday, April 20th, 2011

Although play can be clearly defined in kink situations, what specific people are thinking or what their interests are when they are not playing isn’t always so clear. The statuesque woman wearing head-to-toe leather might not be dominant; the man in make-up might not be sub and might indeed by hetero through and through. The more open a group is to variety, the more specific garb is allowed and championed, and the more individual behaviors are instantly assessed by the definitions inherent to the group the better the chances for mistaken kinks.

For the layman to assume certain polarization assumptions is expected, but even those people involved in BDSM make assumptions that are wildly off the mark. It is as much wishful thinking by those people who see someone across a crowded dungeon and wish they to be what they want them to be, as much as it is the heightened sexuality of a fetish and kink meeting. The reason why people of specific sexual orientations congregate is to hopefully facilitate some sort of sexual activity. They might truly be friends, they might not play together nor ever want to, but all people who log-on to fetish websites or meet at kink munches or play-space scene parties do so less to be social and more because they want to engage at their kink.

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The rule of thumb though for the experienced kinkster is simply not to assume anything by how someone is dressed or even how he or she act. Maybe a kinky guy or girl are switches anyway, so at any given time they might be wanting to act dom as they might want to act sub. As with every other aspect of life, if we label someone even before we truly get to know him or her, we won’t learn all of the many facets of our companion’s personality. Even in the specifics of kinky role-play we do well to quell our assumptions until we are bent over or bending someone over.

Most times a person’s true intention or their headspace becomes quickly known in a kinky scene, even if all that person is doing is watching other’s play, but it’s best for all people who might want to even think of hooking-up to forgo assumptions and simply get to know one another.

Women Have Great Clothes

Wednesday, April 20th, 2011

Women have it great when it comes to clothes in general, because they can wear all kinds of bright colors, beautiful prints, and soft, sensual fabrics. They have all kinds of choices that men don’t have when it comes to clothes, and that is also true when it comes to lingerie and fetish wear. Go to any BDSM convention, and the vendors area is loaded with gorgeous clothing choices for women in beautiful colors and fabrics, but the men’s choices are much more limited. There might be a vendor or two that sell kilts in leather and other fabrics, and some of the leather shops can make leather pants, vests and chaps, but that tends to be the extent of the choices for men. Most guys show up at conventions with black jeans and a variety of black shirts with their favorite black leather boots, a black leather vest and maybe a great black leather belt.

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Women don’t even have to purchase pre-made clothing for fetishwear. They can usually put together interesting outfits from the things they already have in their closets. A suit jacket with beautiful bra and panties, a garter belt and stockings and high heels makes a perfect outfit. A leather belt over the jacket can make her look a little more authoritative if she’s a Domme. Thigh high or crotch high boots are always sexy with anything short; a suit jacket, a long camisole top, a satin and lace chemise. Sometimes mixing the satin and lace of mainstream lingerie with stark leather pieces from the BDSM world can be a really great contrast that looks really hot and will have male submissives coming out of the woodwork to try and get the lady’s attention. For women who tend toward very classic and vintage styles, vintage girdles and slips can be a very hot look. Vintage fashion – lingerie, clothing and shoes – is actually a very popular fetish. There are always shoe vendors at the conventions that carry vintage style shoes to wear with all the great vintage looks that are found easily on the internet. Women who love the leather look can look at leather corsets, bras, thongs, skirts and even garter belts. Leather is always a great choice for fetishwear, and one can never go wrong with black anything, especially leather.

Writing Erotica

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011

Supposedly it is said that men are more interested in visual pornography while women want to read erotica. Good words can be worth a thousand pictures, communicating not just the sights of sex but all the other six senses too — the wet sounds of cock in cunt or event cunt grinding against cunt, the smells of it, the emotions too.

There are many reasons to write word porn or erotica as it is most commonly known. One might just want to put ones fantasies on the page because it can enhance them for one’s own self-pleasures and masturbation. But more likely one wants to share them — written erotica can be perfect for sharing with a lover. Perhaps one has begun to correspond with a potential mate from an adult dating service and now that serious flirting has begun one wants to woo with a shared fantasy. One may even have dreams of sharing the story or fantasy on the Internet in an erotic story website or selling it to an adult magazine.

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The first thing one must do is decide on content and tone. Is one going to write a story that is merely suggestive — the kind of thing to make her excited, to get her pussy wet or is cock hard. Maybe one wants to go all the way and be very explicit. It helps to know the audience one is writing for — if one person then know their tastes and fetishes. If one is writing for a website or publication it is good to understand who reads and what they buy. Most will specify whether one can write gay, straight or bi stories. Some fetishes might be okay — for example one magazine might enjoy spanking and light bondage but not be alright with other fetishes like infantalism, foot fetishes, bloodplay, or nonconsent.

Consider the language one might be using too. There are a lot of ways to describe the act of sex which are explicit or merely suggestive. Some words like rod, shaft, treasure box, snatch, titties, and so on just sound silly and probably should be avoided lest one takes a juvenile tone. Other words like vulva or penis can be too clinical sounding and create yawns where one wants to create moans. Other choices have to be up the writer but one should be consistent — don’t be coy one moment then talk about throbbing manmeat the next.

Our Constant Evolving Sexuality

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011

It is forever a chicken/egg quandary: does the technology we develop in turn see us invent services and products to aid and abet that technology or through the invention of services and the popularity of more alternative lifestyles does technology originally evolve to serve what we make and uncover? Our world has never see change as rapid and far reaching as we have the past decade and the growth is exponentially related to the speed with which our technology seems to be learning from itself! Human nature is at a point of untapped potential and in every aspect of our existence are we making strides that have great potential for help as well as a deep well of possibility to hinder.

Our sexuality is one of the very basic tenants of our lives that is benefitting as well as being hampered by the Internet, information and access. While we can now explore every whim we have, every fetish that passes our notice and connect with people who might share our interests, we ride far afield from what we know and the places of our roots. While sexual freedom is championed the more people come in contact with one another and realize that share certain views, there is just as much an intolerance fostered for people who are not so liberal in their attitudes. And while sex education now saves so many more lives and prevents more possible pregnancies than ever before, many people claim there is simply too much salacious information available outside of the home where they wish to keep that information personally, to be doled out as they see fit.

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Online dating certainly sees more people connecting than ever before, better sex toys means healthier sex toys and we have access to information about our own bodies that aids in us staying healthier as well as enjoying masturbation and partner sex better, we might indeed grow addicted to such fantastically adaptable toys, might forever stay on the hunt of looking for that next date or simply become so fascinated with what we can do, how many times we can come and how exactly we can come we might avoid a partner to simply keep exploring ourselves.

All actions have reactions and there is good and bad to evolving; but not way to stop it.

The Book of Sex

Monday, April 18th, 2011

If there ever was a holy grail for sex, the Kama Sutra would be it. The most sought after and referenced book in the history of man details sex in a ritualistic, ever impressive manner that inspires many couples to explore variations in sexual practices among couples. Considered the oldest and one of the most beautiful books of all mankind, the Kama Sutra has led the way for many lovers to ignite, re-ignite or find desire and passion in their love lives.

This ancient Indian text provides a guide for sexual behavior and is considered the standard by many authorities. As the oldest and most well known of sacred texts concerning sexuality, the Kama Sutra’s first transmission was from Nandi

The Kama Sutra governs practices of sexual ritual all the way from courting and making advances to dealing with the duties of the wife once marriage is established. The book’s thirty-six chapters also delve into sexual practices governing coitus, oral sex biting, scratching and moaning by the woman in order to be mated to the male.

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An entire ten chapters is devoted to different sexual acts. The book is divided further into seven sections that govern not only the abovementioned but also Occult practices that deal in strengthening a weak sexual power, improving physical appearances, renewing friendship with an old lover and dealing with the duties of being a man. A section on general remarks, philosophy and use of the book starts things off. Conduct of a well-bred man is also covered.

The most widely known translation of the Kama Sutra was privately published in 1883 by author Sir Richard Francis Burton yet the primary work was carried out by archeologist Bhagvanlal Indraji. Numerous other translations have appeared since then with a varying degree of tones, some literary, others with a tongue in cheek translation. In the 90′s, Anne Hooper published an illustrated version of the book which reinterpreted the positions aimed at the modern lover. Illustrations depicted fellatio and cunnilingus along with proper technique for stimulation.

An all around guide, the Kama Sutra remains one of the greatest classics of all time in dealing with the game of love.

The Little Black Dress

Monday, April 18th, 2011

Considered by many to be the perfect eye catching piece of clothing, the little black dress shows off just enough sexy and plenty of leg while leaving the rest of the picture to imagination. Women are free to choose lightly with their lingerie choices, depending on the style and cut of said black dress.

Starting from the feet upward, high heels lend a sense of class to the woman while accentuating her ass. Depending on the height of the heel, they push the ass outward, giving it the come fuck me look. Typically, there isn’t a need for stockings or other types of hose, just a good razor blade and careful shaving will do the trick to accentuate the slenderness of legs.

Depending on the dress and the occasion, panties may be ignored, or a thong could be worn if covering is necessary. The thong itself will cover a bare minimum and leave no visible panty lines while reaffirming the sexual feel and emotions a woman may feel wearing her perfect black dress.

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If the dress is strapless, no bra may be needed either. Many dress makers make dresses with built in bras for extra support. Check with a tailor for appropriate bra measuring to figure out cup sizes.

Skin care and makeup choice are important parts but if makeup is applied lightly, it can add to the look. Many women choose to use a light hand in application of makeup and hairstyle, preferring to keep hair off the neck to expose more feminine curves.

Lastly, the dress itself will be the main thing to consider. Is strapless an option? Glitter? Plain with a low cut? The variety is astounding as designers come up with new designs to match the latest in fashion trends. The truth is simple though, the elegance of a black dress cannot be stated enough. A cocktail dress with a short hem shows off just enough thigh when bending over to make a man’s mouth water with his mind wondering what’s beneath the dress. The black dress is a way for the sexually empowered woman to revel in her sensual feelings.

The style of dress can be flirty or conservative, revealing or comfortable but ultimately it’ll provide a look that says the wearer is sexy and in tune with adventure.

Fisting

Sunday, April 17th, 2011

leanna-sweetMany people have heard of fisting, also known sometimes as handballing, where the entire hand of one lover is inserted into the orifice of another. Vaginal fisting is of course where the entire hand is inserted into the cunt or pussy or vagina, while there is also anal fisting which involves inserting the whole hand — or even much of the arm — up the asshole.

Fisting can seem to one like a much more extreme sexual practice than it truly is in reality. For one thing, the practice is associated largely with sexual extremism or at least with lesbians and with gay men… for vaginal and anal practices respectively. One may also imagine that fisting causes terrible damage, causing huge loose gaping vaginas or assholes that can never tighten again or be enjoyed by others as they were before. Of course, one would have to wonder then why these practices are so common if so.

First off, fisting can be very safe. Tightness returns naturally to these orifices which are used to being stretched for various reasons. In any gender, it is a great idea to practice kegel exercises in order to strengthen the pelvic floor muscle that is responsible for tightening.

The next thing to know is that fisting is a sport that involves a lot of patience and a lot of lube. Getting a good personal or sexual lubricant for the job is crucial — a nice thick one which lasts a long time will help a lot.

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Next up, one should consider gloves for use in fisting. Latex gloves or non latex gloves for those with allergies, are a great choice. They add smoothness to the entire experience and retain lubricant much better — this has the double benefit of making it easier to fist someone but it also adds to clean-up, preventing santorum and other residue and it can also add to the pleasure of the recipient who may very much enjoy the slick texture. Skin has a tendency to pull in unpleasant ways sometimes.

The most important thing in fisting is to go very slow. Gently begin by fingering the pussy or asshole and then gradually, slowly, adding more fingers. Always be sure to reapply lubricant frequently, even with vaginal fisting one needs to be aware that one’s fingers will be blocking the flow of normal vaginal lubrication!

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Water & Sex

Saturday, April 16th, 2011

For many a couple the eroticism of water; having sex in it, playing with it, even the buoyancy of how it carries and lifts our bodies, is very intense. The very specific physical nature of floating in water while fucking, naked bodies sliding this way and that in the shower or under a pool, even the coolness or heat felt as certain liquids are tickled across certain body part, truly makes water one of the most sexual of all elements. The cliché couple rolling across a sun-kissed beach while waves splash them, or two people frolicking in a pool matches well to the sloshing sounds of water breaking over its container or the orgasmic crash of waves smashing against a rocky shoal. We are one with water as much from our being as to our sexuality.

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From the steamy surrounds of hot tub sex to masturbating with a shower head, to the deep fetishes of water sports of piss and scat, to the sensation arousal of lighting a bare buttock with a spray of cool water before spanking it, or a woman going down on her man with ice-cubes In her mouth, all the forms of water at all its various temperatures is arousing to lovers, from gay to bi to straight couples. A quick perusal of on-line sites will reveal just as many fetishes and sexual escapades with water as without.

Better in then out though, water presents a host of problems as a lubricant and should not be introduced into the vagina or anus. A woman’s natural wetness is as much washed away by water as a man will find jerking-off in the shower nearly impossible-certainly more abrasive then arousing-if he uses the needle spray as a lubricant. Though we are made up of 70% water and can be mightily aroused by it, sticking to silicone lubes or any other variation of other safe liquids beats water-based lubes every time.

The actual act of making-love in or around water-considering we are clutched close so not much water can come between us-possibly cooling or heating breasts, buttocks or testicles with a nice fast splash or finding romance with the rolling of the sea beyond are all ways water fuels the sexiness in our sex lives.

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