Considering that the average cover charge for a New Year’s party hovers around the $100 mark; it sure tends to leaves many disappointed and urging to get home to their free porn. After all, with dozens of couples flaunting their blissful selves around us lonely folk, it’s not wonder so many of us get depressed and curse love in all its glory.
And so, for those who find themselves single in wake of the new year, follow these three simple – and brutally honest – tips:
1. Play The Role Of Grinch – Whoever started the tradition of kissing on New Year’s Eve deserves to be shot. Ok, maybe not shot, but a kick to the balls (or box) wouldn’t hurt. It seems as thought not having a significant-other to smooch you at the stroke of midnight is serious enough to classify you as a sore, lonely loser – but things don’t necessarily have to go that way. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, proceed to make all of your ‘coupled’ friends feel like crap by flaunting your single status for all it’s worth. Discretely remind them that while they simply must attend that boring pot-luck party, you’re free to hang out in your boxers and get wasted by the fire while watching South Park re-runs. Even if they don’t look impressed, deep, deep down they’ll envy your freedom. The result? Single “loser” 1, boring couple, 0.
2. Do Whatever The Hell You Want – While on the subject of staying in, be sure to do whatever you please on the last night of the year. If you want to venture the great outdoors and get smashed at a watering hole, then by all means. Sex with a random stranger? Go for it! Provided you use protection, of course. Alternately, don’t feel guilty if all you want to do is sit by TV eating a whole bag of chips. One day, you’ll eventually look back and realize that what others may have perceived as “pathetic”, was actually the ultimate act of freedom.
3. Have The Time Of Your Life – If you do decided to venture outside and hit a bar or club, make sure to go all out. What better way to ring in the new year than to get absolutely sloshed at some dingy watering hole? Plus, it will provide you with plenty of opportunity to meet other singles who, just like you, made an effort to show some face. So go out there, dance your ass off, get naked, and make a total fool out of yourself for once. Eventually, you’ll have a woman who is set on telling you what to do – so enjoy being single while you still can.
