Sex on the First Date

It was a great first date. The meal was great, the conversation flowed easily, the flirting was hot and heavy and now, standing outside the lady’s front door, the moment of truth. He goes in for the kiss. She yields and kisses back. We all know what happens next, don’t we? He tries for a little more, she allows it. He suggests they move inside. She wants to, really wants to, but something holds her back.

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Why do women stop themselves from what they really want to do sexually? That’s an easy question to answer – there are still double standards about sex.

As far as we’ve come with equality and sexual freedom, there are still a lot of heterosexual men out there who will try to get lucky on the first date then harshly judge the woman who says yes. Sometimes it’s not a conscious judgment, but suddenly that woman he was so into the night before seems less interesting in the light of day. Is it just old programming? It seems that many men don’t even realize that they’re doing it, but many, many men still consider the woman to be a slut if she puts out on the first date.

It’s no secret that this mindset is still prevalent in our society. In all the books and online lists of dating rules for women, one of the rules is always “don’t have sex until X date if you want him to keep seeing you”. On matchmaking television shows, that appears to be a standard rule. How is it possible – in this world of fluid genders, S&M gaining social acceptability, and vibrators being standard equipment for most women – how is it even possible that this double standard could still be prevalent in the dating world?

This situation actually says a lot about our society and the state of women’s equality. Ninety years after women won the right to vote, decades after feminism and the sexual revolution, women are still seen as sluts and not marriage material by men who happily took what was offered to them when it was offered. The men aren’t looked down on nearly as much as the women who acquiesce. American society cannot possibly advance to a higher level until true equality for everyone and in every way has been achieved.

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