While in a fit of passion, we’ve all been guilty of saying things we didn’t necessarily mean. However, sometimes it’s too late to take things back and we wind up in the good ol’ dog house. In order to avoid falling victim to your own words, read on for a list of the top seven things you should never – ever – say in bed.
1. Mention Your Family – “Daddy” name-calling aside, bringing up your relatives in the middle of sex is disturbing – to say the very least. Why provide your partner with such a familiar mental picture in the middle of something so private and sexual?
2. Bring Up Your Ex – Perhaps the most common sex-related faux pas, bringing up your ex’s name will get you into a lot more trouble than you think. If you slip up and end up murmuring “John” without realizing it, denial is your best bet.
3. Call Attention To A Medical Condition – Whether you’ve previously contracted an STI or you have a extra toe, it’s never a good idea to bring those up mid-sex. Your partner might just get up and leave, never to be seen again.
4. Anything Involving The Word “Gross” – Sex is not always a pretty sight. When it comes to the naked human body, all sorts of factors could come into play. Sweat, excess hair, and peculiar noises are not necessarily pleasant, but they are certainly common. With that said, if for any reason you utter the word “gross”, consider the spark over and done with.
5. Use Pet Names For Your Penis – At the end of the day, a penis is a penis. Don’t try to impress your significant-other by calling it a shlong, a ding-dong or even worse, give it a personal name like ‘Kyle’. You’re just asking her to share this story with her friends and ensuring that she never sleeps with you again. In which case, bring on the free porn!
