It comes as no surprise that penises come in all shapes and sizes. I still remember my friend recounting the day where, after switching up her sexual partner of seven years, she was shocked to discover that her new beau had a hook-shaped ding-dong. Not the most pleasant of surprises when you’ve been used to a more conventional looking tool. With that in mind, I present you with a list of some of the most popular penis shapes as well as tips on how to ‘make them work’.
1. The Thumb – This teeny weeny penis may be small, but its owner will most certainly try to make up for it. His lack of girth will make him take extra steps in pleasing you; so consider investing more of your time in foreplay. Another pro? No lubrication required.
2. The Hook – This unusual pecker is actually more common than you might think. With its characteristic and unexpected sharp turn, its hook shape can actually work wonders for hitting ‘the spot’ – regardless of the direction its facing.
3. The Garden Hose – While still lurking in its natural habitat, ‘the garden hose’ may seem like a standard penis. Once it comes out to play however, it has the capacity to make you gasp in horror upon discovering just how long it really is. The good side is that you won’t have to worry about it not reaching your ‘standards’. The bad side? Certain positions could be more painful than pleasurable.
4. The Washington Monument – Much like the classic tourist hotspot, this penis is wide at the base and tapers to a point. The best part? It only gets better and better as you go along. In this case, the deeper the better.
5. The Trunk – Similar in size to some of your favorite free porn stars – of the male variety, of course – this penis is the biggest of its kind. Long and wide enough to scare just about any sexual partner, it will provide you with sufficient bragging rights to keep them coming back for more.