Archive for August, 2010

Wanting to Fuck Sarah Palin is a Patriotic Duty

Wednesday, August 18th, 2010

Hustler has just a released a compilation porn video, taking the best of the Nailin’ Paylin franchise. It features hottest porn star on earth, Lisa Ann, who has played Sarah Palin or “Paylin” in several movies now: Who’s Nailin’ Paylin? (2008), Obama is Nailin’ Paylin, Letterman’s Nailin’ Paylin, You’re Nailin’ Paylin (2009) and Hollywood’s Nailin’ Paylin (2010). You can check out some of Lisa Ann’s greatest hits on orgasm.com.

There was also talk of a Tiger’s Nailin’ Paylin, but it never materialized – unfortunately, that sounds like a fun one.

The compilation is called Sarah’s Going Rogue. Nice title.

The mega popularity of the Nailin Paylin porn series begs the question – why are people so interested in imagining Sarah Palin getting fucked. She is not a bad looking women and, by politic’s standards, she is smoking hot but there are certainly better looking babes out there. Why not a porn parody franchise of say Snooki for example.

What is it about Sarah Palin? I think it’s because she is conservative and religious and would never be in a porn, nevermind do any position but missionary. It’s the idea that miss goody goody, family values would be, in truth, a horny slut. This is what attracts us.

But it’s more than this. Palin threatens us – those of us who not only watch porn, but do so openly. I mean we don’t do it at work or when you’re kids are around, of course. But you don’t act like you don’t do it. And you are pretty sure that we could be less uptight about it and society as we know it wouldn’t crumble. If people like Sarah Palin had it her way, you couldn’t even look at porn. There wouldn’t be porn – not legally. These Republicans are all for freedom, except when it comes to sex. Then they want us to live in the sexual middle ages. Palin represents this better then anyone, partially because she just never shuts up, but partially because she is hot, because we would like to fuck her, but she won’t let us – in the large social sense, we can’t fuck her, we can’t watch porn openly, we shouldn’t even be allowed to fuck our wives doggy style without feeling like a pervert.

Parody and satire have always been a peaceful way to attack your opponents – and so we hurt Palin where it hurts – in the pussy by degrading a look alike. And, you know what, it feels great!

Furry Friends Not Always So Friendly

Monday, August 16th, 2010

There is a whole contingent of people in the world who get off on dressing up in animal suits and rubbing their furry bodies against each other…unsurprisingly, they have been coined furries.

Sometimes the sex isn’t the endgame for these folks though, sometimes they just feel more comfortable moving through the world as animals than as people. For instance: Gary Guy Matthews the 46 year old jobless computer technician is a furry who dresses himself up as a dog named Boomer. He went so far as to legally request to change his name to “Boomer the Dog,” but got denied in his request because the judge claimed his name would cause confusion if he were ever to tell an emergency operator his name.

Yeah, because that’s the issue, your honor; it’s not that whoever arrives at said emergency scene will find a man in a dog costume right?

Good old Boomer hasn’t given up though, he still spends the majority of his life dressed up in his outfit and wandering around town.

Then, on the less innocent but somehow less creepy side of things, there are your every day pervert furries, like the Donald Duck actor who molested a woman at the Epcot center recently. Apparently Donald made a solid effort to grab her tits and then went with the classic “Whooooo Meeee?” pose.

Great plan my fine furred friend, don’t blame it on the awkward costume and accidental touching, just try and play it off like you’re a REAL cartoon duck, with a real cartoon sex addiction.

Groups of Furries get together all over the country for conventions where they arrive dressed as their animal of choice and spend the weekend in costume, interacting like members of some kind strange farm, like someone slipped LSD into the drinking water at Old MacDonald’s.

There are reports of things called Miffing piles too, where the furries get all their sexual tensions out by piling into a big ball of gyrating costumed weirdo and rub themselves against each other to climax. Basically a weird circus gangbang.

Fun Stuff. To each their own I guess!

iPad and the Future of Portable Porn

Saturday, August 14th, 2010

The porn industry is anticipating that the launch of the new Ipad from Apple will be a profitable platform to take advantage of. The portable touch screen computer with built in motion sensors has developers dizzy with excitement. The potential of new and intriguing forms of media through the device will allow the adult film industry to increase its ever-expanding customer base.

Mobile porn never found much success for porn developers due to prohibitions by anal cell phone distributor companies, whom graciously own the world’s largest communication mediums, yet don’t allow one of our most profitable mediums to be taken advantage of.

The launch of the Ipad will allow for more expression, and still retain a level of portability that will compete with the modern day computers. Its portable internet feature will allow users to literally access all porn, at all times. There’s no question that demand for online porn is ever expanding: the worldwide industry has an estimated value of $37.2 billion. The rise of the iPad will only fuel that fire.

Considering Apple has been reluctant to associate itself with porn oriented applications, the development of Html 5 will allow porn companies to produce back-door applications. The new script performs optimally for the iPad, allowing developers to produce games, applications and video for the platform.

According to gigaom.com studio, Pink Visual is already developing content geared toward the iPad. Another successful porn distributor, You porn, is encoding everything for the new standard. Gay site RocketTube has had HTML 5 encoded video prepared for the launch of the iPad. Though there are prominent security issues with HTML 5. It has always been a plague evident in the porn industry. Once consumers are given a choice between consistent security and easy access to porn, the decision won’t be a difficult one.

The Sybian: Sexual Lie Detector

Thursday, August 12th, 2010

We all know the age old excuses for getting out of sex: I’m tired, not in the mood, just had sex with your best friend. Ok, scratch that last one. However, if you’re like us, you’ve heard the former excuses from your girlfriend at the time and wondered if she’s actually telling the truth or if she’s just a lazy whore who needs a better fucking than you’re capable of giving her. This might sound a little paranoid, but ask yourself: when did the excuses start? They certainly weren’t present at the beginning of your relationship when your girl was riding you like a porn star on E and Redbull.

With this in mind, we’ve developed a fool proof sexual lie detector – the Sybian. Just strip down your sexy little slut, sit her pussy-first on the Sybian and let it work it’s magic. It’s always best if you crank it up to high (also known as 50 cc leaf blower intensity) to get an accurate result. Here’s a guide to what her reactions mean.

#1 Your girlfriend falls off.

This almost never happens. However, if it does, your girl is telling the truth – she just isn’t in the mood. This is a free pass, and you might not want to try the Sybian with her again – only frigid fannies don’t heat up when they’re riding in style!

#2 Your girlfriend moves in time with the Sybian and starts whinnying.

This option is tricky. Either your girlfriend is a horse, or she’s liking the Sybian. The latter would make her a lying bitch, and we recommend dumping her. To add insult to injury you might want to hit on her sister first, or at least her mom.

#3 Your girlfriend starts grabbing her tits and moaning, begging you to fuck her.

Well, your girlfriend is a liar, but who really cares? We say hop on the Sybian and start riding with her – your girl needs it bad and who are you to deny her? Case dismissed!

Tila Tequila is a Pornstar…Officially!

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

Yup, its official Tila Tequila is a pornstar! What took you so long, babycakes! Tila Tequila has yet to make an official announcement, but reports have leaked online stating that the ‘Shot at Love’ star will be staring in her first adult movie from a prominent adult production company.

Interestingly, her sudden transition into the adult world came with a cash amount, she couldn’t refuse. Let’s not beat around the bushes, money was the major motivator in order to get Tila to sign onto the deal. Recently, it’s been reported the financial crisis Tila’s incurred, and i bet this deal made the pint size pornstar a happy taker.

It seems the porn starlet began her celebrations, purchasing a new baby blue Lamborghini, and took to her twitter account to boast about her purchase. The money used to purchase the car was apparently an up front payout from the company that produced her movie.

It’s not surprising to see Tila transition into the adult movie world. Tila has been in numerous male magazines posing nude and made several home sex videos, all available online might i add. Given her past, its only makes sense to see Tila move in the porn direction and this will be her fist role in an actual porn movie. The title of the film, and the name of the production company that produced the porn have yet to be released.


Daddy’s Little Slut: Laurence Fishburne’s Daughter in Porn

Friday, August 6th, 2010

Remember that scene in The Matrix where Laurence Fishburne gives Keanu Reeves the option of taking the red or blue pill. The red pill was the one that showed you the reality behind the illusion of the Matrix. Right now I bet Fishburne is wishing he could take the blue pill, several blue pills in fact, because he isn’t enjoying reality very much now that his daughter has made a hardcore porn movie.

I think Keanu Reeves said it best in The Matrix, when he said, “Whoa!”

As in ‘Whoa, check out that ass!. Some pics released from the film show the barely legal Montana Fishburne showing off her booty, and I, for one, must give it a review of one cock up, way up.

While some aspiring actresses get their inspiration from Meryl Strip, I mean Streep, Montana has been influenced by non other than role model for young sluts everywhere, Kim Kardashian, who rose to fame by being in a sex tape. It so happens the same company, Vivid Entertainment, that distributed the Kardashian sex-tragavana, as well as former Playboy playmate and Hugh Hefner’s ex Kendra Wilkinson’s infamous sex tape, is also handling the release of the Montana Fishburne video. So she’s in good company, you could say.

Montana has specifically said that Kardashian was her inspiration.

“I’ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape by Vivid,” Fishburne said in the press release.” I’m hoping the same magic will work for me. I’m impatient about getting well-known and having more opportunities and this seemed like a great way to get started on it.”

Her father, the oscar nominated actor Laurence Fishburne, probably wouldn’t mind having a word with Kardashian right about now.

Montana has not spoken to her father since news of the video was released, but says that she hears from relatives that her father is “upset.” Gee, you think he would have a sense of humor about seeing his teenage daughter show off her cock sucking skills to the world.

In response to her father’s potential reaction, Montana said “I hope it’s not hurting him. It wasn’t done to hurt him,” she says. “But I think it will take time and talking through the issues. Eventually, I hope he will be proud of me.”

Sorry to tell you this sweetheart, but you’re Dad is never going to say to his friends, ‘look at how well my little girl takes a cream pie, I’m so proud of her.’ Not in this reality anyway.