We all know the age old excuses for getting out of sex: I’m tired, not in the mood, just had sex with your best friend. Ok, scratch that last one. However, if you’re like us, you’ve heard the former excuses from your girlfriend at the time and wondered if she’s actually telling the truth or if she’s just a lazy whore who needs a better fucking than you’re capable of giving her. This might sound a little paranoid, but ask yourself: when did the excuses start? They certainly weren’t present at the beginning of your relationship when your girl was riding you like a porn star on E and Redbull.
With this in mind, we’ve developed a fool proof sexual lie detector – the Sybian. Just strip down your sexy little slut, sit her pussy-first on the Sybian and let it work it’s magic. It’s always best if you crank it up to high (also known as 50 cc leaf blower intensity) to get an accurate result. Here’s a guide to what her reactions mean.
#1 Your girlfriend falls off.
This almost never happens. However, if it does, your girl is telling the truth – she just isn’t in the mood. This is a free pass, and you might not want to try the Sybian with her again – only frigid fannies don’t heat up when they’re riding in style!
#2 Your girlfriend moves in time with the Sybian and starts whinnying.
This option is tricky. Either your girlfriend is a horse, or she’s liking the Sybian. The latter would make her a lying bitch, and we recommend dumping her. To add insult to injury you might want to hit on her sister first, or at least her mom.
#3 Your girlfriend starts grabbing her tits and moaning, begging you to fuck her.
Well, your girlfriend is a liar, but who really cares? We say hop on the Sybian and start riding with her – your girl needs it bad and who are you to deny her? Case dismissed!