While watching my Sunday night ritual television I saw an ad on G4 (the geek channel) for the airing of the 2010 Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, which includes the infamous AVN Awards. Of course we all know this took place back in January but it’s just now starting to pop up in mediums that we all can enjoy. Do yourself a favor and save your porn lovin’ eyeballs for Pay Per View.
I’m very strange when it comes to my nudity and sex. Whether it’s on screen or in real life. It’s one of the reasons why I’m not a big strip club fan.
You see, to me it’s always been weird because nudity basically means sex. If someone is standing in front of me naked it’s because we’re about to have sex. If I’m looking at porn on my TV or my computer, it means sex is about to happen. Either with someone else or myself. Plain and simple.
Strip clubs have always struck me as being ridiculous because it’s obviously for entertainment purposes only, and if you find yourself breaking that “no touch” rule you’ll be in big, big trouble. Not a good idea. And we’ve all heard stories about the “Gold Room” etc., but I’m not going to go into the whole prostitution side of things. (Read: it does indeed happen, but if it does you can only consider yourself lucky and not part of the average, my friend. Unless you’re rich).
I’m just as weird about nudity in mainstream cinema. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good boobie shot as much as the next guy, but if asked what my preference is I’d go without. It makes me feel all funny inside and then I’m right back in the “strip club” mindset of wondering why I can’t touch them.
This is why softcore makes NO sense to me at all. If I’m going to watch someone fuck, then I want to WATCH someone fuck, and all that entails. Anything else is watered down to the point where it’s just plain boring. Two people holding each other and vibrating mercilessly for 10 minutes is about as exciting to watch as “The Price is Right.”
Which finally brings me to my point about G4.
The AEE was created by the porn community, for the porn community. It’s a great excuse to dress up and parade around just like the movie stars do. There’s a red carpet, limousines, expensive jewelry (or seemingly expensive jewelry), and banter with a multitude of paparazzi. It’s our favorite naked stars’ night to shine!
So really what is the point of watching the AEE on a basic cable station that, though catering to nerds and geeks alike, still won’t show the acres of boobie flesh that are unmistakably pulled out and displayed for all to see? And that’s just the boobie flesh we’re talking about. There is the propensity of seeing all kinds of things at the AVN awards that won’t make the editors cut. And porn stars are not especially known for their candidacy or sparkly clean mouths.
So take my advice. Check your local listings, starting today, to see when you’ll be able to order the AEE on Pay Per View. Or you can wait a little longer and check it out on Showtime when it’s also made available. You’ll be glad you did. Don’t suffer softcore syndrome and buy into a more Disney-fied version of the truth. It’s much more fun this way.