Ahhh the sex tape. Ever since the huge media explosion over the X-ploits of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, the world can’t seem to get enough of people’s recorded intimate hip-slamming. And though I, like most people obviously, have an incessant need to always see what everyone is talking about, I would like to publicly declare that there is indeed ONE coming out that will be avoided.
It’s been announced that there exists a video of the tryst between Presidential hopeful John Edwards and the mother of his child, who isn’t his wife, Reille Hunter. The affair itself was scooped by The National Enquirer (a definite sign of the apocalypse) last year.
I don’t really know what it is. Yeah, she’s visibly pregnant (not my thing but I understand the appeal). Yeah JE is supposed to be hung like a planet (I’d rather watch porn that includes a big weener than a tiny one). And yeah I don’t find Ms. Hunter visually appealing in the slightest (how long is a camera ever really on a face anyway).
There’s just something about the two of them together that utterly repulses me. I suppose I could play the saint card and deduce that I am not attracted to this coupling because of the infidelity, but honestly I don’t really give a fuck. I could try to convince myself that it’s because, not only did John Edwards cheat on his wife, but he cheated on his wife who has terminal cancer…
Nope. Still don’t give a fuck.
So what is it?
I was all over the Paris Hilton sex tape, as ridiculous as it was. Searched high and low to get a viewing of Pam Anderson (of course) with Bret Michaels. Forced myself to watch Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart (with their friend and most hated person on TV’s Celebrity Rehab; Kari Ann Peniche). And am currently scrubbing my sources to get ahold of Carrie Prejean’s solo masterpiece. Only because I seem to like watching people I hate jerk themselves off…don’t ask.
What I have heard is that the 40 minute porn between Edwards and Hunter features the act very prominently, his WMD very prominently, his face on hold for a good 3 minutes (yick) and not a trace of her face (obviously the baby bump gives her away).
So there you go. That’s really all you or I need to know. Now I can go about waiting for the imminent Megan Fox sex tape.