As I sit in the beautiful Los Angeles offices of Orgasm.com, a place that serves up millions of free sex porn videos to the masses, surrounded of course by beautiful and naked women who all find it necessary to jump up and down and pour various amounts of creamy liquids all over themselves, I find that all I feel compelled to write about today, is that fucking douchbag Jay Leno.
I understand that Hollywood, and by Hollywood I’m referring to the royal “concept” of Hollywood, rather than the longitude and latitude of it’s borders, is all about self preservation. At its very core it is nothing more than a self perpetuating tool for fame, money, arranged marriages and drug overdoses. But every now and then there comes a situation that makes you think to yourself, “this is going to be different. This is going to bring back hope and faith in what is otherwise a city full of idiots and fame hungry zealots. Today…I am going to be pleasantly surprised.”
Well so much for that…
Jay Leno is a cunt. A big, fat, sloppy, hairy cunt of monsterous proportions. He and his shiny gold pussy lie to the public as he mocks the situation in his monologues, joke after joke that attempt to place him high up on the victim tree, only to grab Conan by the back of his wavy ginger locks and fuck him in the ass on the very desk he so gracefully stepped away from.
I’ll admit that this is a rather passionate reaction from someone who normally talks about internet porn, the adult film industry, porn stars and getting laid. But I’m only human. And regardless of how awesome tits and ass are, this is where my head is at, and dammit someone needs to do something about it.
I commend the wildly talented Conan O’Brien for his respect to the franchise, saying that if The Tonight Show were moved to the 12:05 slot (thus making it no longer ‘Tonight’), he would not take part in the program. His is a love for tradition, integrity and devotion for the people involved before him. That is class, my friends.
Leno, and his chin worthy of a thousand resting balls (you had to know there was a chin joke coming), is a slave to the mighty dollar, a whore to self indulgent Hollywood, and a bitch to the legacy of stardom. I would love to scream boycott but I honestly feel it will happen on its own. One day soon, NBC will look at their Conan-free Tonight Show and realize that their numbers are worse, their elderly contingency has returned, and that they GASP! were wrong. Until then I’ll stay tuned to TMZ, not NBC, for any true sense of entertainment.
Now that that’s off my chest I’m going to go back to playing quarters off the tits of my naked office assistant.
Tags: Conan O'Brien, Los Angeles, Orgasm.com